Words Of Encouragement To Golf Widows

Golf Widows

I have finally decided that this is the summer I will learn to play golf. I wish I had more time and money for this sport because I am 100% addicted. Practice makes perfect, so I am putting in some time at the links just about every chance I get. This means less time with the Mrs.

As a result, she recently labeled herself a “golf widow.” Maybe this term is familiar to you. Several hours a week, your significant other disappears with group of three pals to head to the local country club for a few holes. Instead of looking at this like we are deserting you, ignoring you, and altogether not wanting to spend time with you, let’s look at the bright sides of this situation.

You have more personal time.

If your man is out on a Saturday with three of his buddies ripping drives and sipping domestics, why not use that time to do something for yourself? Go shopping, do your nails, or get a massage. You know, typical girl stuff. We have given you a window of freedom, not abandoned you.

When you let us play a round of golf, we owe you. It’s how relationships work. So use the I.O.U. system to your advantage. It is only fair that we let you pamper yourself for an afternoon, or pick the restaurant we eat at and movie we watch on Netflix for date night.

My wife likes to sleep in. I, on the other hand, am not one for sleeping in. I take full advantage of this and get all of my golf in before 10 a.m. This way, when she wakes up, I am already back home and ready to tackle the day with her. Ladies, if this is the case, don’t hold it against us. You were just going to waste your time sleeping anyways. I just started my day a few hours before you, getting my exercise — that’s all. Which leads me to my next point….

Golf is our exercise.

Okay, maybe not all of us are out-of-shape sacks of shit. But some of us are, and this is our time to get outside and move. Most times I play, I walk. It just makes sense. When you are in your 20s and 30s, you should be walking, plain and simple. There are plenty of years of retirement golf that can be spent riding in a cart. If it weren’t for golf, I most certainly would not get any sort of physical activity on the weekend other than a couple rounds of cornhole and sex. We are out here grinding, getting our steps in. At the expense of our backs, you’ll see the fruit of our labor in our legs. We do it for you.

Golf = Business.

Everyone knows that business is done on the golf course. Honestly, we are out here shaving strokes off our game just to be able to compete in the corporate world. I am learning to play golf so that I can at least bat around the course at charity events and business outings in hopes of schmoozing the higher-ups. For now, I’m just hacking away, trying to break 100. But eventually, I’ll be out here kissing ass, closing deals, and locking down clients. If you look at it that way, golf is really just about business development. We are out here advancing our careers and bringing home that bacon. All so we can retire early in order to play more golf. Sounds grand.

Next time your S.O. heads out to the course, smile and wave. Because in the end, we are all winners.
Image via Shutterstock

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Mainer born and raised. Boston sports. Miller Lites. Let's get drunk and eat chicken fingers..

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