Woman Meets Man Online And Gets Stuck In His Chimney

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Christmas came early yesterday in Thousand Oaks, CA for one lucky fella. A 28-year-old woman named Genoveva Nunez-Figueroa was rescued from the dusty depths of a chimney of her pretend boyfriend, Lawrence. I say pretend-boyfriend because the couple met online and had only gone on two dates before Lawrence ended the fling. Neighbors reported the cries this legitimately nutzo women around 5:45 am, a prime time to slip slide into your online not-lover’s home. I guess she didn’t understand that Santa is a completely fictional character because chimneys aren’t designed for a man with that stellar of a dad gut, or even a proportionate human being.

According to Lawrence, this is the second time this psycho has been hanging out on his roof. He found her there two weeks prior, but she had quickly disappeared.

Captain Mike Lindbery took to Twitter to alert the public of all the necessary details (read: give the public a good LOL).

So not only was homegirl stuck in a filthy chimney, she had to get soaked in freaking dish soap by the fireman “prior to hoisting.” A chimney probably falls in the top ten places I would not want to take a shower with a man, but to each his own.

Luckily they got the crazy woman out while she was conscious and transported her soapy ass to the hospital. Lawrence says that he will “be a little more cautious of who [he] invites to [his] house now.”

For the sake of chimney’s everywhere, I am now deleting Tinder forever.

[via ABC 7]

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Topanga is a contributing writer for Post Grad Problems. Lover of red wine, mediocre gossip, and Corey's whipped ass.

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