Woman Sets House On Fire To Kill Spider, Nation Says “Been There, Sister”

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A Kansas Woman was arrested on Friday for setting her own house on fire, but she had a good reason: She did it to kill a spider.

Oh come on, like YOU’VE never had the urge to do that before. Think about it, you’re alone in your apartment, you see a massive spider hanging on the wall, and you’re all like “Well, I COULD kill you with my shoe or this rolled-up newspaper, but these Sperrys are brand new, and nobody subscribes to newspapers anymore. Print is dead. But I’ve got this candle and can of aerosol deodorant…BURN MOTHERFUCKER BURN!!!!!!!!!!”

After five firetrucks put out the blaze on her duplex, they were none too pleased with Ms. Ginny M. McGriffith, the 34-year-old arachnid assassin, who just decided to kill the thing by lighting towels on fire throughout her house. “It’s a controlled fire, don’t worry! Wait, no it’s not! FUUUUUCK!!”

McGriffith was arrested on aggravated arson charges, and is being held on a $7,500 bail.

There was minimal damage to the duplex, and no one was injured…I wonder if that extends to the spider as well. Yes, the spider survived. It got away in the nick of time, and it is plotting its revenge. The revenge will be swift and brutal. My guess is it will drop down on her head when she least expects it and crawl down her shirt, as she begs and pleads for her life.

[via TIME]

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