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Why You Should Date A Feminist

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Women are awesome. Just in general. I mean, yes, they’re the most frustrating people on the damn planet, and every time I think I understand them, one of them does something that makes zero logical sense to me. But they’re awesome. The fact that we have a history of systematically oppressing women is a real bummer, but in the last hundred years or so, we’ve taken some great strides, a lot of which are due to a particular group of women (and men) who identify themselves as “feminists.” I know that word carries some unfortunate connotations, mostly due to what we in the biz like to call “straw man feminists.” Straw man feminists are basically just amalgams of outlier assholes and completely fabricated stories, all built on a foundation of fear and resentment stemming from male insecurity. But I digress.

What I’m here to talk about isn’t why feminists are good people, or even whether the current state of feminism is trending in a good direction. I’m just here to say that you should want to date one. That’s right. I just advocated for female empowerment AND objectification in less than 100 words. What are you gonna do about it?

Oh yeah, the list.

1. Intelligence

I realize that not all feminists are smart. I feel like I shouldn’t have to state that as a caveat, but I know that if I don’t, some dummy will construe this point as me saying that. However, feminists tend to be college educated women who have done enough reading to at least competently defend their position. Having a degree and reading books doesn’t mean you’re smart–I know way too many people who fit those criteria whose cranial fluid would be better used as a liquid agent to mix concrete. However, it is a good starting point. Plus, in this scenario, I’m assuming for the purposes of argument that the feminist in question is of the sort who brings some nuance to her opinions and doesn’t just coat every point she makes with a thick layer of FUCK THE PATRIARCHY paint. If there’s one thing that gets my engine revving faster than a blow job in the middle of a “Fast and Furious” movie, it’s nuance.

2. It’s Cheaper

This is just simple math. If a woman believes that men and women should operate on equal ground, then she’s likely going to believe that you both should contribute to the relationship financially. Do you know how awesome it is to live life as a DINK (double income, no kids)? I mean, I don’t either, but it certainly sounds like a damn utopia.

3. They Will Argue With You

Arguing in relationships is a lot like cholesterol. We keep hearing it’s this evil thing that causes problems, so we assume that it’s to be avoided at all costs. But just like there are beneficial types of cholesterol, there’s a good kind of arguing, too. It could be about any general topic, or even about the relationship itself. Debating shows passion and a difference of opinion, both of which are essential in a relationship. You want to be with someone who has a different worldview than you, along with the ambition to defend that worldview. Pushing up against a differing viewpoint forces you to defend your own, which, in turn, strengthens your beliefs, because you either successfully defend them and you’re right, or they don’t hold up to scrutiny and you replace them with better ideas. If your relationship isn’t enriching the way you look at the world, you’re doing it wrong.

4. The Sex Is Better

You’ve had starfish sex, right? You know, when the girl just kind of lies there and lets you do all the work with the sort of look on her face broadcasting that she’d rather just skip the whole ordeal altogether? I’ve found that many of those women tend to be the more “old school” gender role types. They’ve been brought up in a conservative culture that frowns on female sexuality and libido, and thus approach sex as a part of the relationship that they’re supposed to provide (much like the man provides the roof and the bacon). Feminists, on the other hand, tend to be much more sex positive, and they reject the notion that sex is something that is “done” to a woman, and instead see it as an activity that both partners participate in equally. You know what else comes with that? Communication. A traditional woman might spend the entirety of a marriage without letting her husband know that she wants her hair pulled or probably won’t ever bother to shout, “OH, GOD, RIGHT THERE” even once. With feminists, don’t worry. If she likes what you’re doing, she’ll fucking tell you. Sure, she’ll also let you know when your bumbling around down below isn’t working for her, but as my main man Omar said, “all in the game, yo.”

5. You Don’t Have To Be The Boss

Do you know how tiring it is to make decisions? The old model of decision making in relationships was bogus. Why would you default to one person being the deciding factor in all major decisions? Not only does that create an opening for resentment, but it’s also a burden on the responsible party. Plus, it’s no secret that women end up being the better decision makers in relationships most of the time anyway. We guys are just dumb enough to accept the credit and think that we’re actually the boss. It’s like the father of the bride in the wedding I recently attended said in his toast: “When my wife and I got married, we agreed that we would separate the decision making as a couple. If there was a big decision to be made, I would make it, and if there was a small decision, she would make it. And it’s worked out pretty well, because we haven’t had a single big decision in 20 years of marriage.”

That’s pretty rad.

DISCLAIMER: I, in no way, want to presume that women who identify as feminists are superior to women who prefer traditional gender roles and relationships. Feminism is about freedom and equality, and like Khaleesi said in her only interesting line of dialog in this season of “Game of Thrones,” “Freedom means allowing people to choose for themselves.” Or something like that. I usually tune out her scenes.

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Randall J. Knox

Randall J. Knox (known colloquially to his friends as "Knox") left his native Texas a few years ago, and moved to Los Angeles in his '03 Buick Regal named LeRoi to write movies with his jackass college buddies. His favorite things in life include bourbon that's above his pay grade, mix CDs, and Kevin Costner films. He isn't sure what "dad jeans" are exactly, but he knows he wants a pair.

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