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I love Facebook. I love Twitter. I occasionally waste a whole bunch of time on Tinder, because it’s funny. I sometimes Snapchat. I pretty much never answer text messages. I’ve had several friends get upset with me about this recently, which I think is pretty dumb. Here’s why I’m not responding, so the world knows:
1. I’m Selfish
If you’re not offering me anything that directly affects my life in this exact moment–especially if I’m in the middle of doing something else–I’m probably not going to answer you. I usually intend to. I read the text with the idea that I’m going to respond later, when I actually have attention to give it. I forget. Because I’ve moved on to whatever else I care about in that moment.
Which brings me to…
2. I’m Spacey
If I (rarely) open my messages and see a few, I read the one with the most personal importance first and respond. Then I read the rest, but before I can respond, I am overwhelmed with the need to check virtually every social media outlet I have. Because my dog looked adorable this morning. And that tweet about donuts was hilarious. I usually forget your text right about then.
3. You Don’t Need A Five Second Update on My Life
If we have plans at seven, I’m going to meet you at seven. You don’t need to know that I’m currently getting ready, or leaving in five minutes, or that I’m almost there. I will let you know if I’m going to be late, and then probably update you when I’m leaving if that’s the case. I don’t care about any of that information from your side of things, either. We made plans. I will see you then.
4. Your Text Didn’t Need A Response
If you type the letter “K” or send me an “LOL” I am most assuredly saying nothing in reply. Mostly because I hate both of those things more than pretty much anything else, and also because they require absolutely nothing to be said in return.
5. You Said Something Inappropriate
Unless that’s what I’m looking for, I am ignoring you. I will not laugh it off. I will not change the subject. I will let that text message fade into oblivion and probably never speak to you again.
6. You Said Something In the Middle of the Night
I think I read text messages in my sleep. There have been several occasions where I haven’t responded and gotten in trouble. Then I looked at the time stamp. If you text me after midnight, I won’t respond. I’m sleeping. Yes, even on most Fridays and Saturdays. I’m tired and I don’t want to talk. If it’s important, I will probably get back to you. If it’s not, I just figure we’ll catch up some other time. On that note, I’m pretty sure there are much more appropriate times to catch up with someone than at 2 a.m. Whatever you had to say was not something I needed–or wanted–to hear that badly.
7. I’m Not Afraid Of Being Annoying, And You Shouldn’t Be Either
This is really the biggest thing. If you send me one text that I don’t respond to for whatever reason, say something else. I’ve been known to send three or four texts to the same person when I’m trying to get answer about something. It’s annoying. I get that. But I typically get an answer. My life doesn’t revolve around you–it mostly revolves around me and what I have going on. I’m single and independent, and that’s how things go. It doesn’t mean I don’t think you have a place in my life–so remind me of it.
Respond
sarahjfrost
Sarah ends up in at least five awkward situations a day. She's a little vain, but that's the best part of being a 20-something.
@sarahjane1923
you’re going to die sad and lonely, or married to a super cool hipster. really can’t decide which is worse
Four out of five of your awkward encounters are probably a result of being a selfish person with disdain for normal social cues and etiquette.
Doesn’t respond to texts but takes the time to write articles on PGP – Got it. You’re not that important, no one really cares whether or not you respond, you’re not the center of the universe, so writing a column specifically about why you don’t read texts serves the needs of at most 4 people.
Get a life.
If this is your way of encouraging people to interact with you less, keep up the good work.