Why Guys Are Screwed In The Modern Dating Game

o-SLEEP-TEXTING-facebook Here’s the dealio. I’m looking for any excuse I can to explain why dating is hard. If I were a girl, I’d be doing the same thing. But from my standpoint, modern dating has shifted in a lot of ways that aren’t super beneficial to guys. Overall I think the landscape is better in general, but some changes have left things fragmented and confusing. What I really think it comes down to, though, is that there are now basically three types of women out there and we have no way of deciphering what type a particular woman is until it’s too late. Here’s what I’m talking about.

1. Conservative This is the girl who still has the old school mentality of letting the guy approach, lead, and pay. That’s not to say that she doesn’t have her own opinions or doesn’t function as an independent human being; it just means that she’s looking for a guy who will take the initiative in the relationship, especially toward the beginning. She’s not gonna go out of her way to get a guy, unlike…

2. Aggressive She’s like a cheetah. A horny, smirking cheetah with a vodka tonic in each hand. This girl sees what she wants at the bar and just goes after it. Whether it’s by flirting with a whole group of guys to see who bites, targeting a particular guy, or just attacking (in a good way) the hot guy who comes up to her, she’s on the prowl.

3. Modern This is the cheating name that I’m giving for the type of girl who’s in between the other two. Most girls probably fit into this category. Think of it more like a sliding scale. There might be times when she’s content just to hang out with her friends and let guys make the first move. Then there are other times when she has a couple of courage-boosting drinks and makes the connection happen for herself. She’s modern in the sense that she doesn’t look down on the conservative girl with traditional expectations nor does she judge the aggressive girl hunting that dick, mostly because she’s been both.

Why is this a bad thing for guys? Seems like it would be beneficial for there to be several schools of romantic thought amongst girls so that we can choose the type that best fits with our personalities, right? In some ways, yes, but the problem is that there is no way of knowing which type any girl is at any given moment.

So, how do you tailor your approach? You can’t. You just have to make the choice when you go to talk to her whether you’ll just assume which kind she is and hope you get it right or play it broad and hope that doesn’t make you boring (hint: it does). See, if she’s conservative and you’re assuming she’s aggressive, then you go over and either flirt way too hard and scare her off or you see her make eyes at you and assume that she’s gonna make the play herself, ultimately missing out altogether. If she’s aggressive and you assume she’s conservative, you’ll either bore her really quickly or the whole prospect of you going over in the first place was stupid because she had already evaluated you and decided you weren’t her type. And a modern girl will probably just be upset that you made an assumption about her personality at all.

How do we solve this? Well there are a few options. Only date girls who are recommended by friends (narrows your dating pool), only date girls online (expands your likelihood of meeting a crazy), or swear off women and commit yourself to a life of celibacy (becoming more and more attractive by the day). Or more realistically, in the words of a friend, you just “keep shooting from the hip” until something sticks. Which seems kinda unromantic, but romance is pretty unromantic when you think about it.

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Randall J. Knox

Randall J. Knox (known colloquially to his friends as "Knox") left his native Texas a few years ago, and moved to Los Angeles in his '03 Buick Regal named LeRoi to write movies with his jackass college buddies. His favorite things in life include bourbon that's above his pay grade, mix CDs, and Kevin Costner films. He isn't sure what "dad jeans" are exactly, but he knows he wants a pair.

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