Why Girls Really Go To The Bathroom In Groups

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Girls are like wild animals. They prey on the weak, they assert their dominance over lesser females to mate with the most sought after male, and like many predatory species, they travel in packs. Seeing a group of two, three, or four girls exit a bathroom stall at the same time is normal for women. Hell, 10 girls could exit a handicap bathroom stall and I wouldn’t be fazed as long as that meant it was my turn to go next. Usually at a table of girls, the conversation leading up to a trip to the ladies’ room will go something like this:

Melanie: “Do you have to pee?”
Clare: “No, I just went with Kate.”
Melanie: “Please? Will you just come with me?”
Clare: “No, I JUST WENT.”
Melanie: *turns to the next girl* “Do you have to pee?”
Dana: “Oh my God, yes. So bad. Let’s go!”
Lauren: “Are you guys going to the bathroom?”
Clare: “Yeah, wanna come?”
Lauren: “Yes!”

Girls are weird, I know. Here’s why we can’t go to the bathroom alone:

1. In case there’s a line, we want to have someone to talk to.
2. If it’s that time of the month, we need someone to check us: “Do I have anything on my butt?”
3. Because when you’re wearing a romper, it’s a two-woman job.
4. If there are no hooks in the bathroom stall, you have someone to hold your purse.
5. So your friend can run the water or start the hand dryer as noise interference while you poop.
6. In case any other girls try to start something, you have backup.
7. Because there’s no better place to express how you really feel: “No, seriously. I fucking love you.”
8. To gossip about everyone who didn’t go to the bathroom.
9. The handicap stall is the perfect place to formulate a game plan on which male targets you plan to take down.
10. To talk you down when you see your ex and want to cry. Your friend will say something like, “He’s a fucking loser. Did you see what he was wearing? You look hot.”
11. Because if there is no soap, it’s less disgusting if you don’t wash your hands if you have a friend who can’t wash her hands, either.
12. If your stall is out of toilet paper, you can call out to your girl to pass you a roll.
13. In a girl’s mind, walking to the bathroom with someone else takes all eyes off of you so it FEELS less noticeable that you’re going to pee/poop, even if in reality it’s just as noticeable.
14. If you have no idea where the bathroom is, it’s less embarrassing if you’re lost and looking for the facilities with a friend.
15. Because there’s safety in numbers.
16. It’s easier to pee if there is someone to chat with.
17. Because we get stage fright.
18. To fix our makeup: “Can I use some lip gloss?”
19. It’s much less vain to stare at yourself in the mirror and tease your hair if you have your BFF doing it alongside you.
20. To check our heels: “Hold on, you have toilet paper on your shoe.”
21. Because making new besties with a random is easier with a wingwoman.
22. For reassurance: “Are you sure I don’t look fat in this dress?”
23. To hold each other’s hair back after one too many shots.
24. If the lock on the door doesn’t work, we have someone to hold it closed.
25. In case we get separated from our group, at least we have each other.

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Rory Gilmore