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Relationships are very hard work. It takes a combination of patience, communication, selflessness, and a slew of other important variables for them to be successful. In a perfect world, both people in the relationship are giving the same amount of effort. Unfortunately, we do not live in a perfect world, so this doesn’t always happen.
When you love someone, it can be easy to overlook their shortcomings. Why? That’s simple: because you care. You can find yourself falling into the habit of overcompensating for your partner’s shortcomings. In my experience, that presented itself in the form of me busting my ass and giving about 95%, and receiving about 5% in return.
Because I wanted the relationship to work, I completely lost touch with reality. They say love is blind; well, you coulda called me Stevie Wonder and that wouldn’t have been very far off the mark. Though I was having to overcompensate for my partner’s lack of effort, in all honesty, I wanted to do it. I thought that me putting in all of the extra elbow grease was just showing how much I cared. And though that part was very true, it didn’t make up for the fact that he just wasn’t willing to give me any more effort than he already was, which was extremely little.
I was wearing my rose-colored glasses and had no intention of taking them off anytime soon. If we’re being real here, and we are, I truly thought I was very happy. I was investing so much of myself and my time in this relationship, in this person. It became my number one priority. I stopped spending time with my friends. I manipulated my life schedule to become more accessible to my partner. I abandoned ideas of moving out, because it would mean we didn’t live near each other. I pushed aside my plans of applying to law school because he wasn’t keen on the idea.
All kidding aside, I was literally letting my relationship dictate every other part of my life. I thought that all of the extra effort I was putting in was just an investment in my future. I kept telling myself that the grind now would be worth it later. That if I would just bite the bullet for a little while longer, it would pay off over time. I was willing to do it because I cared, and don’t believe in quitting when the going gets tough. I thought that my effort was safeguarding the relationship, and me in the process. But life has a funny way of teaching you lessons, sometimes.
I got dumped. Hard, and out of left field. And then found out that I got cheated on, too. Heavy shit, I know. After everything I had sacrificed and all of the time and effort I had put into this thing, it still wasn’t enough. I realize now, that nothing I ever did would have been enough for this guy. I had no idea that I was completely losing myself in the process. I had completely forgotten to ask myself what I wanted.
This breakup threw me on my ass. I was a wreck. My friends and my family were worried about me; hell, even I was worried about me. This wasn’t the Taylor I knew. I pride myself on always being a steadfast, unemotional rock of a human. And then suddenly, I found myself feeling way too many feelings all at once. But one week turned into two. Two weeks turned into four. One month turned into three, and the further away I got from ground zero, the more everything made sense. I was gaining some clarity. I had been ignoring my own wants and needs for a long time. I had been overcompensating and knocking on what was essentially a locked door for way too long.
I had to come to terms with being alone, something I sincerely thought I wasn’t going to have to think about again. I had a network of extremely supportive friends and family, but it was up to me to have to pick myself back up. Slowly but surely, I started investing that same amount of time and effort I had been putting into that relationship, into myself.
It didn’t take long before I realized that I was happier than I had ever been. I was laughing out loud more than I had in ages. I was living completely in possibility, doing things I wanted to do, when I wanted to do them. I started to write again. I applied and got into law school. I moved out of my small town and in with my best friend. Big shit started happening for me, almost immediately.
It took getting knocked on my ass, absolutely leveled, to come to terms with the fact that I deserved a hell of a lot more than what I had been getting. I had a lot to offer and deserved a person who would give me the same effort that I was so willing to dish out. It was a painful lesson to learn. It ripped the rose-colored glasses that I loved so much right off of my face. The light was blinding for a fleeting moment, but my eyes adjusted. Getting dumped and cheated on by someone I completely trusted really sucked, but in hindsight, I’m glad it happened. The only place I’m going is up, and I’m building a bad ass life on top of what is the wreckage of a relationship that was never going to work. And hey dude, if you happen to be reading this: I thank you. *drops mic* .
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@taylordoestweet
@itsthestovallshow
sexychocolate
How did I accidentally end up on Elite Daily?
It seems you took a wrong turn while headed towards the Keyboard Warrior Annual Convention
Go write for TFM, with that attitude you won’t last much longer than Intern Sammy.
My Uncle Joseph just got a new yellow Infiniti QX60 Hybrid just by some part-time working online with a macbook.
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Taylor is a fucking savage. All trespassers in her comments will be taken behind the shed and shot.
No good relationship ever ends.
sup?
Love the username
Aw man, I thought you were gonna end this with a bang like you went to his house and stabbed him like 34 times with a butter knife or something. I’m glad that you’re happy and all but it would have been crazy if you did the mic drop at his funeral. And yes, people, I realize that what i just said is extremely fucked up but the Lifetime Network has been on repeat on my tv and I’m starting to realize that maybe life is just way more safe if you’re single and stuff.
Preach. Went thru the same thing about a year ago, wish I had this article back then to pick me up
I needed this a few years ago too. Great read, hit me in the feels
Experienced something very similar. Just add 600 miles of long distance and he had total control over me. Demanded we skype every night for hours, refused to “allow” me to informally rush a sorority that accepted upperclassmen, forced me to break ties with all my guy friends. We were long distance for 1.5 years, and five weeks after he moved to town, dumped my ass. I was a train wreck. But I met my husband three weeks later, so there’s always a silver lining.
Does your husband know he was the rebound?
Just like E and Sloan
Except for the baby.
If you don’t mind, I’d like a females perspective on a bit of the reverse situation. Months of a seemingly good relationship down the drain when my girlfriend went on a family trip and basically sat on the beach for 5 days and came to the conclusion she wasn’t over her last breakup. Kicked to the curb. Few weeks later find her on Bumble (I know it’s possible she never deleted her account so it still is in the system), which brings into question why the hell go on dating apps if you just broke up with someone because you weren’t ready to be with anyone?