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We’ve all been there before. Maybe you went a little too “hard in the paint,” as the kids are saying these days, and you really don’t feel like drinking the next day or night. Damned if your asshole friends won’t just let you be–of course they’re going to drag you out of bed and make you go out with them. Whether it’s outdoor day drinking or just a night out on the town, you know you are going to have to make drunk happen. It’s either that or risk being the sober dickhead who was perfectly content with a sixer of Gatorade, enough hangover food to feed a family of four, and Netflix all night. If you’ve never had to make drunk happen, then congratulations. You are much more of man than I am.
You are going to get way more drunk than you originally intended.
You soon realize that since you’re out, you might as well make the best of it. There is really no way you are going to be anywhere close to sober, because fuck that. Free Vegas bombs because it’s some random dude’s birthday? Why not? Fireball shots because you saw that smokeshow at the end of the bar take one earlier and you just know she wants you to buy her another one? You bet! There is just no way to escape it. As soon as those first few drinks go down and that hangover slowly wears away, you are in full on blackout mode. While heading into the darkness that is an unwanted blackout, you hazily remember that you never wanted to be in this position in the first place. You know you’re going to become belligerent. This flows right into the next phase in your night.
You are going to get in a fight.
Alright, so you probably won’t get into an actual fist fight with someone, but you will definitely get into a heated argument over some seriously petty shit. When your buddy won’t stop droning on and on about the fact that Johnny Manziel dropped all the way to 22 in the draft, you are going to tell him to “shut the fuck up about it already,” which is only going to make him change the subject to how Blake Bortles is going to be the perfect fit in Jacksonville. WE GET IT MAN, YOU WATCHED THE DRAFT! Being at the bar and arguing with your friends over senseless shit right now is annoying enough for you, but now you have to listen to some random guy try to tell you that you need to stop buying his date Fireball shots (even though she slipped you her a number when the dipshit wasn’t looking). The bouncer has seen enough and thinks it’s time for you to get out before you actually do get into a fight.
You are going to feel way more regret the next morning.
Waking up after a night of making drunk happen is one of the worst feelings of guilt you can have–unless, of course, in your unintended blackout, you somehow managed to get the Fireball girl to come home with you instead of leaving with the idiot she went to the bar with. That still makes for a feeling of regret, albeit victorious regret. But then again, maybe you spent money you were working really hard to save or you broke a stern promise to yourself that you were only going go out one night a week for a while. That’s when you realize what kind of mistake the debauchery of the night before really was.
You know what’s worse than a vicious, regrettable hangover? Knowing that a simple “seriously, I’m not going out tonight, guys,” could have prevented it all. We are all well past the age where we should feel the need to give into mindless peer pressure over meaningless nights when we all know they come around every weekend. Sometimes everyone just needs a break, and there’s certainly nothing wrong with that. The next time your friends give you shit about not going out, just stand your ground and do what YOU want to do. If they can’t take the hint that you aren’t feeling it that night, then tell them to fuck off and go find new friends.