Why Do Office Baby Showers Exist?

Why Do Office Baby Showers Exist?

In the hierarchy of “Events I’d Rather Not Attend” it goes 1.) A Funeral 2.) A Baby shower 3.) Everything else. Needless to say, I was thrilled to receive an office-wide email about a baby shower that HR is throwing for one of my coworkers.

First of all, I’d like to know if this is a common occurrence at other places. My office has had two of these since I was hired three years ago which, in my opinion, is two too many. I guess one of the downsides to working for a smaller company is that HR can get away with this nonsense. You think Amazon hosts an office-wide baby shower when Janice from Accounting is in her third trimester? Someone can correct me if I am wrong, but I doubt they would do such a thing. I know we are supposed to be a “tight-knit family” or whatever, but when you get right down to it – we are a place of work. A baby shower strikes me as a personal event. The people outside of work that you associate with should have the burden of hosting these events because they choose to be around you. The rest of us don’t have that luxury.

Secondly, I am kind of trapped here. It’s not like they left an invite on my desk that I could “accidentally” drop into the trash can. Everyone saw my name on that email chain. I can’t just not show up now and be that guy. There’s always the option of scheduling a client meeting during that timeframe, but everyone also knows I am not important enough to have an out-of-office client meeting, so they’d see right through me.

The least they could have done was have this thing at like, I don’t know, 3:00 p.m. on a Friday when no one is doing anything productive anyways. But no, of course not. They scheduled it during lunch. Now I will be spending the entirety of one of my precious lunch breaks watching Bailey (name changed to protect the accused) open 24-packs of Huggies. Thank you again, HR.

I expect to be solicited for a multitude of things throughout the year such as various school fundraisers and charity events, but I think we need to draw the line here at these workplace baby showers. I haven’t procreated yet because the thought of changing diapers instead of playing golf just made me puke a little bit, so don’t take offense that I want nothing to do with a baby shower for someone I wouldn’t associate with if it weren’t for them spending 8-hours a day in a cube down the hall from me.

In the essence of being totally transparent, I have to admit that this baby shower is for my work-wife. I should probably be more supportive, but I’m going to let her real husband take care of that. It’s his fault I’m in this situation to begin with.

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Mainer born and raised. Boston sports. Miller Lites. Let's get drunk and eat chicken fingers..

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