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It’s a well-known fact that I’m basic AF. I know it, I accept it, I embrace it. Additionally, I am all for technology and the convenience its evolution can provide us. As a result of these two characteristics, I occasionally shop at Whole Foods. I’m definitely not a regular customer, but if it’s on the way home or I need just one thing that only they have (*cough three dollar wine bottles cough*), I’ll make a pit stop. However, I have to draw the line somewhere in my quest for convenience and quality. I wasn’t quite sure where that line was… until today.
Whole Foods is well known for its commitment to selling you the most unnecessary grocery items possible (I see you, asparagus water and pre-peeled oranges), but it has really outdone itself this time. In its quest to provide unaffordable food products to the most insufferable of people, Whole Foods now brings you… wait for it… a produce butcher.
This new innovation in convenience can be found at their new location in Bryant Park. Instead of picking out your produce and taking it home to prepare yourself, as if you were a functioning adult with basic life skills, you can now pick up fresh whole produce and take it to a special counter in the back of the store to watch another adult human cut it for you. This incredibly necessary service will only cost you $1 per pound of produce and your dignity.
Now, I get that not everyone has time to whip up a gourmet meal every night, and I totally get the need for and appeal of things like pre-cut veggies and fruits when you’re exhausted and in a hurry, but this is literally the opposite of quick and convenient. Instead of grabbing a carton of pre-sliced onions and heading out the door, you can now take your time to pick out a fresh onion, walk it to the back of the store, and stand there to watch another human do what it would take you the exact amount of time to do at home, while paying them an extra $1/lb.
Admittedly, I could see the appeal in this for things that are particularly difficult and messy to cut like whole pineapples, artichokes, etc. Maybe you could even convince me that you’re on your way to a party and were asked to bring a pre-cut veggie dish and your friends are super snobs who only eat the freshest of cut produce. But still, Whole Foods already sells these items pre-cut in their refrigerated section! Why wouldn’t you just swing by and grab one of those?
Whole Foods, I need less from you. .
[via Business Insider]
Image via Shutterstock
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Quinn Truflais
Formerly known as Queen of The Garbage People. Functional title still stands. Dog owner, whiskey drinker, Star Wars fangirl. #DoingItForTheContent QuinnTruflais@gmail.com
@QuinnTruflais
This feels like something Will would utilize and then his girlfriend would (rightfully) shame him about it.
Chopping vegetables is actually somewhat therapeutic to me. I think it’s why I enjoy ‘Chef’s Table’ on Netflix so much.
Great point, great show.
If people are lazy enough for that, I’m all for charging and judging them for it
Whole Foods has gotten lost in the sauce
My frail basic-life-skill-lacking self is at high risk of chopping off a finger every time I attempt to slice a butternut squash so I’ll openly admit I’m pumped. Continue to do the most Whole Foods!
Are cucumbers considered vegetables?
Hello, Salmonella
geez or just reach for the chopped mango convenience containers or the packages cauliflower broccoli medley on stir fry night. nice try whole foods.
I could go for a pre-peeled orange. I like oranges, I hate the sticky mess I make peeling one.
Have you ever tried to cut a butternut squash? I’d 100% pay some schmuck to chop that up for me, saving me both time and the possibility of breaking yet another knife or losing a finger in the process. “functioning adults with basic life skills” know when to utilize someone else’s strengths for a task.