Which Kind Of Significant Other Is The Best For Your Career?


Certain people just belong together. Sometimes, personalities click or there’s just such intense, primal attraction that it materializes into an unconventional relationship. However, careers also have a role in relationships. Some careers make it tough to have a relationship, while others are more compatible with one career than another. It is for this reason that certain careers just go together and are perfect for creating the famed “power couple.”

Salesman Or Woman – Anyone With A Sufficient, Stable Income: Nowadays, salespeople make most of their pay, if not all of it, on commission–and in this economy, getting a sale is tough #thanksobama. People are sticking with their current suppliers and are whittling down inventories to the bare minimum around the holidays, so I would recommend an accountant, a lawyer, a doctor, a physician’s assistant, or a corporate manager. That way, you two won’t starve during slow months, although it’ll feel shitty to just be the “extra money.” But again, at least you’ll eat.

Bartender – Customer Service Representative: After dealing with dumbass customers all day, a customer service representative will more than appreciate a cocktail or eight when he or she gets home. This is a perfect match. It’s a movement: #SupportProfessionalAlcoholism. Spread the word.

Secretary – General Manager Or Executive: The sec-exec affair is as old as corporate America, but today, the pressure of having a girl on the side can cause a stress meltdown. Might as well lock it down and see where it goes, but secretaries, don’t make the mistake of pursuing the assistant to the regional manager.

Office Clerk – HR Representative: As the ultimate power couple of ridiculous office stories, a double date with these two will provide you with all the dirty details you secretly want to know about other human beings without actually meeting the degenerates. Endless entertainment.

Truck Driver – Warehouse Clerk: Eastbound and down, loadin’ up and truckin’. Kidding. These are two exhausting professions, so the couple has no energy to fight when they get home. That’s pretty ideal if you ask me. Personally, I’ve been bitched out quite a bit in my life, and that’s not my definition of happiness.

Any Kind Of Engineer – College Professor: Nerds of a feather belong together. Just try to share the Xbox, please. The personality types of these two professions love to have intellectual discussions and brag about how much they know. It’s annoying for a double date, but they clearly belong together, because who else would have them?

Entrepreneur – Anyone With A Business (Sales, Accounting, Finance, Etc.): This is a pretty obvious one. If she has access to your bank account, you two might as well be business partners. A good understanding of financial responsibility goes a long way–take it from a one-time broke-ass boyfriend.

Nurses – Doctors: Every medical professional I know knows a nurse who’s trying to get wifed up by a doctor. I say why not? With jobs that stressful and time consuming, you might as well get busy in the on-call room every once in a while. Also, as a heads up, I’ve been bingeing on “Scrubs.”

Food Service Professional – Janitor Or Maid: One makes a mess, the other cleans it up. Sounds like my last relationship, except with less bodily fluids on the comforter.

Aspiring Politician – Head Of A Nonprofit Organization: Nothing appeals to the uneducated masses like a charitable better half. It makes it look as if they both care about the less fortunate. Suckers.

Physical Therapist – Athlete: Free rehab for injuries–it’s a no-brainer. And there isn’t a more romantic way to meet than by popping someone’s shoulder back into place.

Lawyer – Anything But Another Lawyer: I’ve never known two lawyers to last in a long-term relationship. I mean, if you put two leeches in a box together, they’ll probably suck the life out of each other, right?

IT Professional – Technologically Challenged Business Professional: Sweep her off her feet by jailbreaking her iPhone 4S (PGP) and fixing her computer. Knowing the efficiencies of next-generation business technology is just ridiculously romantic.

Programmer Or Web Designer – A Nurse Or An ER Doctor: Most programmers and coders make their own hours, and therefore, have an erratic sleep schedule. They might as well date or marry someone with an erratic work schedule, too. Then they can sync it up and hopefully avoid horrible puns like that one.

Police Officer – Teacher Or School Administrator: I’m not sure why it’s a fit, but it seems to occur all the time. I’ve always blamed the nuclear family for this one. I guess it’s just one of those inexplicable things that works.

Writer Or Journalist – Editor Or Producer: How the hell else are you supposed to get published these days? Well, besides having a pulse, an email account, and a contact at Rolling Stone, that is.

Comedian – Comedian: Two people who take nothing seriously can stay together forever. They’re kind of like crack addicts. Well, except B.J. Novak and Mindy Kaling. I’m not sure what the hell is going on there.

Unemployed – A Doctor, A Lawyer, An Investment Banker, A Hedge Fund Manager, Or A Billionaire Trust Fund Baby: Shameless gold digging at its best–better get to the gym and do some Selter squats.

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"Technically, Pablo Escobar was in sales."

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