Where Were You When You Heard JNCOs Were Back?

Y’all know that JNCOs back, right?

Right when you thought 2017 would be all about the super slims, bam. The game got rocked like a 3 Doors Down concert. Can’t believe they hit us with the Q1 Mammoth special release like that. So what are we supposed to do with this info? Well, I’ve got a few ideas.

Let’s bring paintball back. JNCO jeans and paintball go hand in hand. They’re the ultimate denim for kids whose parents are reluctantly funding their angsty teenager’s hobby. If Mom and Dad won’t shell out a few hundo for a new Spyder and a JT mask with the mirror tint, make an addendum to the 2017 budget. Time to spray.

Next, we have to make the mall a weekend go-to spot again. At some point it became unacceptable to hit up the mall on a busy Saturday with your boys. Whatever happened to hanging out in a fresh pair of Twin Cannons and burning the heaters that your boy stole from his older brother? I guess that’s not “PC” anymore, huh? Well, I’ll see you at the Parks Mall in Arlington this weekend, kids. Time to go fart around in Spencer’s Gifts for a bit but never actually buy anything. Mom’s bday is coming up, too. Better drop by Bath and Body Works for some hand cream.

What about Friday night, though? I think the obvious move is to hit up the movie theatre and completely ruin everyone’s experience. The I’m-gonna-make-you-find-an-usher starter kit started and ended with a crisp pair of Kangaroos. Is that group of boners in the JNCOs going to play the “penis game” during a particularly important part of the movie or just dick around on their cell phones the whole time? Who knows. But this movie is going to be ruined either way.

They’re a status symbol like a bear pelt worn by an elder warrior in a hunter-gather society. Any leg opening less than 30 inches won’t be tolerated. It’s JNCO time, baby.

Image via JNCO / YouTube

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Lawyer. Writer. Dude doing business. I'm the meatloaf guy from tv.

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