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When the girlfriend is away at a Bachelorette Party
We’ll both do our best to get a little naughty
While she’s in New Orleans showing her boobs
I’ll be playing Fornite, pwning some noobs
She’s doing burlesque in leather and lace
While I sit at home stuffing my face
My Seamless order is something to behold
And the sports this weekend are gold Jerry gold
My girl dances to jazz in NOLA’s French Quarter
While I’m in my sweats perfecting my next food order
I’ll probably take a nap or three
Girly’s got cardboard cutouts of the groom to be
Platters of wings and pizza piled on my table
Betting every football game I can find on cable
Get a snap from my lady at brunch
I’m still eating breakfast while thinkin’bout lunch
She’s at the pool in the Louisiana sun
I’m watching the Sox, another Pearce home run
She’s ripping ya-ya with the soon-to-be bride
My sour diesel is taking me on a magic couch ride
Step-count is less than 500 a day
David Price got me feeling some kind of way
She downs shots down on famed Bourbon Street
For me it’s OV joggers, LL Bean slippers on my feet
My boys invite me out drinking for Halloween
I laugh out laugh, imagining the scene
Sweaty dance floor, hundred-dollar tabs
Take a bite of scallion pancakes, say goodbye to my abs
Tell my buddies to have a great night
Grab my bowl and look for a light
Get a text from m’lady, she’s drunk as hell
Haven’t showered all weekend, beginning to smell
She’s playing games with sex toys and lingerie
It’s embarrassing I haven’t even seen the light of day
I apologize to my colon, abused digestive tract
And I’m starting to wish for my girl to get back
But there’s hours of football ahead of me still
And more Bachelorette duties for her to fulfill
Monday is looming and the emails are piled
Both of us with weekends that left us beguiled
She texts me goodnight she’s on the flight home
Sunday night struggling to fall asleep alone
I wish for my girl to get home to New York safe
She better not see me looking like a homeless waif
I’m ready for normalcy, for a couple’s activity
This weekend a reminder I belong in captivity
But I loved every second of my own personal darty
So I cannot wait for the next Bachelorette party
.
Respond
Boston Max
Spending my retirement fund at Trader Joe's and trying to remember to check my mailbox semi-regularly
@BostonMaxG
@boston_maxg
It’s okay bro, she’ll text you back. She’s just having a little sex.
Her bestie is marrying some poor schlub
I’m home working my way through the entire ‘hub
Piss Missile Pearce
Sounds like a cuck to me
My wife was gone all weekend for a friends birthday and I got a 24pk of beer, chili ingredients, and only put on pants to walk the dog. Solo weekends in can be very clutch.