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I must confess: despite the fact that you are supposed to give up things for Lent, I find myself doing the complete opposite, and not in like the cool philanthropic “I’ll do more volunteering” or “I’ll skip my coffee and donate the money” ways. The forty days between Fat Tuesday and Easter are actually the time that I tend to overindulge in one thing that I don’t usually care about for the other 325 days of the year – candy. And that’s because **hot take warning** Easter is the best holiday for candy.
I can hear the detractors screaming now. “What about Halloween?” they say. Sure, the entire premise of Halloween is getting candy, but let’s be honest: the only candy made specifically for Halloween is candy corn, which is fucking disgusting. Seriously, if you actually like candy corn, you should be committed because there is something acutely wrong with you. As for the rest of the “Halloween” candy, let’s call it what it is: regular candy with a pumpkin or a bat on the label, along with one hell of a mark-up from October 1 through October 30. Sorry folks, Halloween is not where it’s at, candy-wise.
“Ok fine,” they say, “but what about Christmas?” Now, you might have had me with the Christmas argument when you could only get those gold-wrapped Ferrero Rocher things between Thanksgiving and New Year’s. Those over-priced fuckers are delicious, but now they are available all year round. So really, what’s Christmas got candy-wise that the other holidays don’t? Candy canes? Meh. Ain’t nothing but a cane-shaped Starlight mint, in my opinion.
Which brings us to the most Catholic of all of the candy-holidays: Easter. I’m not exactly sure why we celebrate the resurrection of Jesus with a bunny that brings us a basket full of sugar, but frankly, I don’t really care, as long as I get my traditional hamper of goodies with a Starbs gift card attached. While it’s true that some of the candy that’s dubbed as “Easter” is regular candy dressed up with bunnies and chicks (nice try, Easter Kit Kat), there are some delicacies that are specific to the holiday that make this the best season for candy, hands down.
Of course, some traditional Easter favorites like Peeps and Reese’s Eggs have been co-opted for other holidays, but the original versions are still the best. While you can get regular SweeTarts any time of the year, there’s something special about chomping off the sweet/sour heads of their Easter “Chicks Ducks and Bunnies.” And sure, you can get jellybeans all year ‘round, but is there anything better then eating Starburst FaveReds Jelly Beans out of a plastic egg that you spent 20 minutes traipsing around the yard looking for? I don’t think so.
Speaking of eggs, I think we can all agree that it’s the egg that makes Easter candy superior to all the rest. First are the Robin Eggs, and while I personally prefer the Brach’s Malted Milk Egg version, either one helps Easter win this race. But the real Easter MVP? The folks at Cadbury. I know they make other stuff that keeps them in business the rest of the year, but who cares? The Cadbury Crème Egg and Cadbury Mini Eggs are the absolute champions of holiday candy, hands down. Those things are so damn good that Cadbury uses literally the same commercial from 1987 and no one cares. Because nobunny knows Easter like Cadbury…and even he knows Easter is the best holiday for candy..
Image via Shutterstock
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Jenna Crowley
Jenna used to be known as 2NOTBrokeGirls, but then one of the girls actually went broke, so she's struck out on her own. Jenna spends her free time saving the world, one sorority girl at a time (usually while wearing yoga pants), questioning why she decided to get a doctorate, documenting her love of all things cheese related, and hosting the new PGP podcast Don't Take It From Us. You can ask her anything you want about football, using your boobs to get what you want, and pizza at @JennaLCrowley on Twitter or via email at JennaLCrowley@gmail.com.
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I concur with your take, but fuck peeps, those things are disgusting.
Ageeed. Peeps are certified trash.
I agree. They are disgusting.
I will fist fight you in defense of Peeps
Raise em’ up son.
Oops I didn’t write this.
I’d like to file a complaint about you stealing my work. Who is in charge of legal around here?
This might be the best take I’ve ever read here. Cadbury eggs are crack in the best way possible.
Try the minis with the hard candy shell. Way more addicting and easy to eat a few too many in one sitting.
The minis are the bane of my existence. We have a love/hate relationship
Reese’s Eggs son
I’m worried that one day I’ll open a bag of Starburst Jelly Beans and just not stop eating them
I ate 87oz of them last week and I wish that was even remotely exaggerated
It’s a legitimate concern. I got a bag and parceled it out into little snack bags in attempt to stop myself.
Dave, are you high?
Easter wins because at no other time of the year can you get an entire chocolate bunny and eat it at one sitting.
Seasonal Reese’s are better than regular Reese’s. The ratio of chocolate to peanut butter is perfection in Reese’s eggs, Christmas trees, and pumpkins in comparison to regular ole Reese’s cups.
So true.
If you guys are fiending for some Kinder Surprise eggs I can smuggle some in from Canada on the low
I bought a bag of Cadbury Mini Eggs (the 36 oz. size) last week and it’s already gone. FML.
Those are my absolute favorite candy of all time. This year I am limiting myself to one bag and I’m holding off as long as possible.
Hopefully you have more will power than me, I crumbled.