What Your Pandora Station Says About You

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We’ve always known that you can tell a lot about a person by the music they listen to. If they like Dave Matthews, they probably went to college. If they love Dave Matthews, they definitely “wake and bake.” But even more than what your love of one band says about you, your Pandora stations say even more. Because the perfect Pandora station is picking a band that doesn’t just bring in other bands exactly like them, but also touches a few other genres, so that your mix is more varied. And the one band you pick to represent you can say a lot about you.

Station: Steve Miller Band

Bands That You’ll Hear: Boston, The Eagles, Lynyrd Skynyrd
What It Says About You: People talk a lot of shit about Steve Miller Band, and I’ve never really understood it. All of their songs are pretty great, melodically, and they do a hell of a lot better job of telling a story than a lot of their contemporaries. I was into this station for a bit, but there was one big problem. It plays a lot of The Eagles. And I fucking hate The Eagles. So if you like this station, it means you either tolerate, or possibly even like The Eagles. Which means we can’t be friends.

Station: Katy Perry

Bands That You’ll Hear: Top 40 Bullshit
What It Says About You: You would be totally happy with terrestrial radio, you just like having less commercials. And you suck.

Station: Third Eye Blind

Bands That You’ll Hear: Matchbox 20, Goo Goo Dolls, Blink 182, Foo Fighters
What It Says About You: That you miss late-90s/early 00s alternative rock, and you’re fucking smart about the way you go about listening to it. The great thing about the Third Eye Blind station (of which I am a fan, if you couldn’t tell) is that it’s not just a “Greatest Hits of Your Middle School Years.” I just turned it on for the purpose of this column, and the second song played was “1901” by Phoenix. That’s a great song! And it only came out a couple years ago. The fact of the matter is, Third Eye Blind’s station will get you your nostalgia fix, while also playing some solid contemporary rock.

Station: Sublime

Bands That You’ll Hear: 311, Slightly Stoopid, Weezer
What It Says About You: That you’re similarly nostalgic about the same time period as Third Eye Blind covers, but you’re a big dummy. Here’s the thing. I don’t hate Sublime. I enjoy a lot of their tunes. But they’re supremely overrated. And the problem is, if you put their station on, you’ll maybe get a few songs from the era, but you’re mostly gonna get treated to shitty reggae-rock bands and the well-known Marley stuff. If you want real reggae, dig into some deep tracks of The Wailers, and stop letting MTV guide your decisions. MTV isn’t even relevant anymore. Why are you still taking your cues from them?

Station: George Clinton

Bands That You’ll Hear: Sly and the Family Stone, James Brown, Kool & the Gang
What It Says About You: You’re a crazy person, and I like you.

Look, if you feel unnecessarily judged by the things I said about the music you like, you probably shouldn’t take it to heart. I mean, first off, I’m not the final authority on what music is good and what isn’t.

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