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Mel Brooks once said, “Sex is like pizza; even when it’s bad, it’s good.” Not to take away from Mr. Brooks, but I think we’ve all come to that realization on our own. Nothing brings me to a food-induced orgasm quite like a warm, gooey slice of cheese pizza.
But just as people have different sexual appetites, the way people prefer their pizza says a lot about them, too, whether they know it or not. (If you’re curious about what your sexual appetite says about you, Tweet it to me and we’ll save it for PGP After Dark. Hopefully it’ll be something related to pizza.)
Cheese Pizza
Regular, plain, cheese pizza–old reliable, tried and true. This is what you think of when you hear the word ” ‘za.” It’s always there when you need it, and it will always be around to comfort you after a hard day, a bad breakup, or a drunken, blurry evening. Some might call you boring and old-fashioned, but you know better. You’re direct, a straight-shooter, and you know exactly what you want. And what you want is a gooey, greasy, cheesy slice of pizza with no bullshit.
Toppings? That’s an insult. It’s like someone touching up the Mona Lisa or suggesting an “Indiana Jones” reboot. How could you possibly improve perfection? You’re not only reliable and consistent, you’re a purist. Let the rest of the world enjoy hot dog stuffed crust pizza or whatever. You just sit back and appreciate the classics.
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This aggression against Chicago deep dish will not stand. I have constantly craved Lou Malnati’s since my last trip to Chicago.
Lou Malnati’s is a gift from God.
There’s pizza, and then there’s the most delicious crust loaded with toppings and sauce, ON THE FING TOP!! Perfectly cooked Chicago deep dish almost makes up for everything wrong with that place, but then there is the cubs soooo….
Pure and utter slander.
I smell an “In Defense of Chicago Deep Dish Pizza” article…
Bacon pizza. That’s all I have to say about that.
I’m guess I’m just a lonely/horny weirdo who likes pineapple on meat lovers
I’ll agree that the Square from L & B’s is awesome, but how dare you call Chicago style deep dish anything but glorious? Go snort powdered everclear you douche.
I respect you for the L&B love, but Chicago Deep Dish is the Warren G. Harding of Pizzas.
Come at me, bro.
Upside Down Square? Is there something I’m missing or is that just a slice of Sicilian?
Not the most popular choice, but my favorite slice in NY is the artichoke slice at Artichoke on 14th. Heavenly.
You’re not missing something, the slice is missing something. It has no cheese. Marinara is on top, therefore it is upside down.
I like Supreme Stuffed Crust pizza. I assume this means I’m simply gluttonous.
^ This
DiGiorNo you didn’t
What about the thin vs thick crust debate?
Great. Now I have to think about what kind of person I am when I order a fucking pizza.
What about weirdos like me who love pizza, but if given the choice would pick white pizza over anything? Or this just might be me…