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I’ve written before about the things you fear about becoming a parent. There are so many aspects that make you apprehensive and committed to never passing on your genetics. A lot goes into it, and it can get a little overwhelming.
You don’t want to take the financial hit, and damn, I don’t blame you. Kids are expensive as hell — diapers, clothes they immediately outgrow, food, toys, college, sports and holy shit my wallet just exploded typing that. Children are the nation’s number one cause of credit cards wearing out, and I’ll fully admit that sometimes I get slightly overwhelmed as to how much my little guy costs.
You don’t want to change shitty diapers. It’s disgusting and you can’t ever see yourself wiping someone else’s ass (or, God forbid getting shit on your hand). You sure as hell don’t want to risk turning into the ultimate lame ass instead of being a cool dad. There’s a lot to weigh in on, but there’s one main aspect that is by far the most terrifying thing about parenting. It’s something you have to deal with and get over, because it’s truly a blessing and a curse.
You’re scared to love someone more than you love yourself.
You’ve probably always thought of yourself as a selfless and loving person. I did too; obviously, I’ve got a big heart of gold. That being said, nothing prepares you for the love you’ll feel once you have a child. Any parent can attest that from the second your child escapes the womb, you’ll never be able to fully describe the emotions and love that you have when it comes to them. I promise, that feeling is what will make all the other things you worry about come easy.
You don’t mind waking up at 3 a.m. and rocking a screaming child or dealing with a tantrum. You’ll gladly spend every dime you have to make sure they’re taken care of. And changing a diaper? It’s true love you feel when you wipe a monster shit that’s melting the paint off the walls. The “freedom” that you feel like you lose when you have a kid will be replaced with a feeling of longing when you spend extended time away from them. Sure, there are plenty of days that I miss sleeping until noon and waking up violently hungover, but I’d trade every one of those to get another day of waking up to my kid at 6:30 smiling like a maniac in his crib.
I’ve kept an email account for my son since he was born. I’ve sent pictures, videos, and random notes; a virtual scrapbook, if you will. Before I take any sort of trip or vacation, as I am this weekend when I go black out at an out-of-state wedding, I write him a letter just in-case anything happens to go wrong. As a parent, it’s one of the toughest things I have to do. Yes, I’m aware of the slim odds of anything happening, but one must always be prepared for the worst. Taking that time to contemplate missing out on your child’s life and trying to fit 24 years’ worth of life lessons in one letter is eye opening. It’s scary as hell to love someone that much, and it’s even scarier to come to grips with knowing that one day you or they may not be around.
As you move on in life and eventually start thinking “You know, maybe I should produce an offspring or two,” I encourage you to not sweat the small stuff. The biggest thing that comes with having a child is an understanding that it’s no longer just you, and you’ll have a love for someone that can be completely crippling at times, and the thought of it can drive you to tears. Don’t let that dissuade you from having kids, however, because it’s that same fear and love that makes parenting the most worthwhile thing you’ll ever do with your life. .
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