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It’s the age old question that was brought to the forefront in the 2004 comedy classic, Wedding Crashers. Christmas isn’t as awesome as it was when you were a kid, and for single postgrads, weddings are just an all too familiar reminder that your reproductive system is imploding upon itself like a dying star with every day you remain single. So we ask ourselves, what’s better? Christmas or wedding season?
Music
Christmas: Perry Como, Frank Sinatra, Nat King Cole and Mannheim Steamroller. It’s a vast, festive collection of music from our childhood that ignites nostalgia and gets you in the holiday mood. Then again, maybe your Uncle Sal is right and we’ve all just been programmed by ad agencies to spend money on endless gifts upon hearing the first few notes of “Santa Claus is Coming to Town.”
Wedding Season: The hits from the 80s, 90s and today. It’s either going to be coming from a DJ or if the bridal families decided to really go all out with a full blown band. Music at a wedding will be sappy at some points, but for the most part, it gets you out on the dance floor and brings well-dressed crotches and asses together.
Edge: Wedding Season. Nothing like grinding up against a bridesmaid during “Pony” by Ginuwine as Aunt Karen looks on.
Gifts
Christmas: You’ve finally gotten to that age where people ask you what you need for Christmas, rather than what you actually want. Instead of that new fairway wood from mom and dad, it’s a leather toiletries bag. Then back at the office, your Secret Santa has read you wrong in the six months that you’ve been working together and inexplicably bought you a teapot. You don’t even drink tea.
Wedding Season: You’ve been looking into whether or not kitchen appliances can be considered tax write-offs, but no dice. Luckily, the bridegroom was courteous enough to register at some local shops and made your life a lot easier.
Edge: Christmas. Who doesn’t like getting presents no matter how uncool they are?
Travel
Christmas: In all likelihood, you’re going to be traveling during the holidays. Whether it’s back to your hometown or visiting grandma in Florida, you will find yourself in an airport during the worst time of the year to be in an airport. As if air travel wasn’t enough of a nightmare already, you have to find a way to transport all of your presents halfway across the country and potentially deliver the awful “my presents got lost in luggage” excuse on Christmas morning.
Wedding Season: With each arrival of every Save-The-Date you get, you pray that it isn’t another destination wedding. Your budget is stretched thin as it is. Most of the time, you’re in luck, but every once in awhile, there’s that couple that forces everyone to bust open their travel budget for the year and jet off to Catalina, Puerto Rico or some other inconvenient wedding hot spot. Then again, when else are you going to have an excuse to get away?
Edge: Wedding Season. I’d rather get a vasectomy with a rusty butter knife than willingly travel during the holidays.
Family
Christmas: You haven’t seen your folks in a while, so it’s always nice to be home for the holidays. Your family has grown with grandchildren and nieces and nephews now that you and your relatives have grown older. The pitter patter of little feet around your parents’ home brings joy to everyone…for about the first hour you’re home, then it’s pure hell just trying to wear these kids out enough to get them into bed. Hopefully you won’t have to share your old bedroom.
Wedding Season: Everyone’s a mess. The sisters of the bride and maid of honor have been driven insane with planning the wedding. Mom is drunk. Dad’s pissed off at how much this is costing him and you’re caught in the middle. Just power through the pomp and circumstance and make it to the reception. Alcohol will never taste better.
Edge: Christmas. Like the song says, there’s no place like home for the holidays.
Parties
Christmas: From the company party to the family gathering on Christmas Eve, ‘tis the season to be jolly. Unless of course Creepy Jeff from accounts is talking your ear off about how he’s gonna show the new secretary his yuletide log. It’d have been a hilarious joke if he was one of your friends, but you work with him so it’s really just gross. Just look forward to a home-cooked meal of turkey, stuffing, potatoes and a hefty glass of nog to take your mind off the weirdness that was the office Christmas party.
Wedding Season: There really doesn’t have to be an argument here. Wedding receptions are what make being a postgrad tolerable. There’s unlimited top shelf liquor, top notch food and the company of horny, single people. I guess you’re in the company of true love and all that bullshit, too. No less, a wedding reception is every 20-something’s natural habitat. It’s a chance to show off that fresh new suit from Kohl’s and show off some dance moves that would make your dad proud.
Edge: Wedding Season. By a wide margin.
Final Verdict: Wedding Season. Yeah, Christmas is the most wonderful time of the year, but it’s mostly a holiday for kids. You’re not a kid anymore and you don’t have any of your own, so in the mean time, bask in the glory of matrimony, open bars and desperate bridal party members.
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TheChampionsTour
TheChampionsTour (@ChampsTourTFM) is a contributing writer for Post Grad Problems, Rowdy Gentleman, and Total Frat Move .
@TheChampsTour