What Kind Of Psychos Put Soap On Their Hands Before Running Them Under Water First?

What Kind Of Psychos Put Soap On Their Hands Before Running Them Under Water First?

I’ve exhausted my thoughts on people that don’t shower immediately after waking up in the morning. I get it — some people like walking around in their own stink all day. That’s just something I’m going to have to live with.

But today I got a chat from my buddy, Todd, about some lunatic in his office who was caught in the bathroom displaying some absolutely psychotic behavior.

Todd: this pyscho in the bathroom not only put soap on his hands before running them under water, but then proceeded to start rubbing them together and washing them, still sans water, only to turn it on after and rinse them off. i mean, i have to report this guy to someone, right?

Let me answer your question bluntly, Todd — yes, of course, you need to report this guy to someone immediately. Like, when I see someone on a plane with a switchblade in their hands with their eyes fixated on the cockpit, I report that person. It’s just what you do. When you see mad men displaying psychopathic behaviors, you report them to the authorities and know that you’re living in a safer world than you were when that person was on the loose.

This behavior is something Todd and I have discussed at length, purely because it doesn’t fundamentally make sense to apply the soap to your hands before you moisten your palms under the water. Do you put shampoo on your dry hair before you wash your hair? Do you cover your dog in soap before tossing him into the bathtub? Do you squirt detergent on your clothes before putting them in the washer? Dish soap on your dishes before putting them in the dishwasher? No, you do any of those things because normal people don’t do those things.

I’m not a scientist, but doesn’t soap work because the water activates some type of bubbles within it and therefore lets you lather up the area that needs to be cleaned? This isn’t the damn Purell next to the register the grocery store. This is soap. I don’t care if it’s bar soap, liquid soap, or that pre-foamed Method stuff. Everyone knows you don’t throw a bunch of soap onto a dry surface and expect it to work the way it’s supposed to work.

Like, you wouldn’t take a bar of soap and shuffle it around in your hands before the water runs over your hands, would you? No. And that’s exactly what I’m talking about.

And I can hear people now — “But Will, if it’s liquid soap, you can rub it around the surface of your hands and then proceed to lather them up with water.” So you’re just taking your soap-covered hands and grabbing the faucet, thus leaving soap behind on said faucet? That’s just sloppy. Sure, you could turn the faucet on first and then put the soap on your hands, but then the faucet is just running and you’re wasting water, and that’s not something your boy is okay with.

I just need to know — is this something people do, or is this something people don’t realize they’ve been doing wrong for their entire lives?

Image via Shutterstock

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Will deFries (Twitter / Instagram) is a Senior Writer at Grandex and the world's foremost authority on Sunday Scaries (Twitter / Instagram). Email me at

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