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I’ve exhausted my thoughts on people that don’t shower immediately after waking up in the morning. I get it — some people like walking around in their own stink all day. That’s just something I’m going to have to live with.
But today I got a chat from my buddy, Todd, about some lunatic in his office who was caught in the bathroom displaying some absolutely psychotic behavior.
Todd: this pyscho in the bathroom not only put soap on his hands before running them under water, but then proceeded to start rubbing them together and washing them, still sans water, only to turn it on after and rinse them off. i mean, i have to report this guy to someone, right?
Let me answer your question bluntly, Todd — yes, of course, you need to report this guy to someone immediately. Like, when I see someone on a plane with a switchblade in their hands with their eyes fixated on the cockpit, I report that person. It’s just what you do. When you see mad men displaying psychopathic behaviors, you report them to the authorities and know that you’re living in a safer world than you were when that person was on the loose.
This behavior is something Todd and I have discussed at length, purely because it doesn’t fundamentally make sense to apply the soap to your hands before you moisten your palms under the water. Do you put shampoo on your dry hair before you wash your hair? Do you cover your dog in soap before tossing him into the bathtub? Do you squirt detergent on your clothes before putting them in the washer? Dish soap on your dishes before putting them in the dishwasher? No, you do any of those things because normal people don’t do those things.
I’m not a scientist, but doesn’t soap work because the water activates some type of bubbles within it and therefore lets you lather up the area that needs to be cleaned? This isn’t the damn Purell next to the register the grocery store. This is soap. I don’t care if it’s bar soap, liquid soap, or that pre-foamed Method stuff. Everyone knows you don’t throw a bunch of soap onto a dry surface and expect it to work the way it’s supposed to work.
Like, you wouldn’t take a bar of soap and shuffle it around in your hands before the water runs over your hands, would you? No. And that’s exactly what I’m talking about.
And I can hear people now — “But Will, if it’s liquid soap, you can rub it around the surface of your hands and then proceed to lather them up with water.” So you’re just taking your soap-covered hands and grabbing the faucet, thus leaving soap behind on said faucet? That’s just sloppy. Sure, you could turn the faucet on first and then put the soap on your hands, but then the faucet is just running and you’re wasting water, and that’s not something your boy is okay with.
I just need to know — is this something people do, or is this something people don’t realize they’ve been doing wrong for their entire lives? .
When washing your hands, do you put soap on your hands before or after your hands are wet?https://t.co/BGzA9yusVS
— Will deFries (@WilldeFries) February 25, 2016
Image via Shutterstock
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Will
Will (Twitter / Instagram) is the host of The Sunday Scaries Podcast.
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Stock photo nips?
This brightened my day more than it should have #dryspell#pgp
It is really comforting to know that any sort of hotness coming from the stock photo will always be the top comment
I would.
I told you that in confidence deFries.
I prefer these psychos over the psychos who don’t wash their hands at all…
If I’m honest, I only wash my hands due to social convention and fear of being judged. At home, alone? Never wash, ever, after a #1.
I use the same sink every day in my bathroom. Left hand reaches for the soap, right hand goes under the motion sensor faucet to activate, rub both hands together under the falling water. Soap is the foamy kind, not the syrupy kind, if it matters. Am I a psycho?
This is reasonable. To avoid being the asshole who spills water everywhere and covers the dispenser push handle with dirty poo water, I utilize a similar method. Turn the faucet on with my left hand, apply soap to the dry right hand, and let them meet over the sink for a friction filled rub down.
I also strive, and succeed about 80% of the time, to not get piss and shit all over my hands when using the bathroom.
That’s the same place I am. I feel like the foamy soap should be an exception, because it’ll just go away if you put it under the running sink without some immediate lather action.
Will, I think I have the answer. Although it would weird me out if I saw it, I’m trying to get in this guy’s frame of thought. If it’s liquid soap, maybe he does that first to build up a protective layer on his hands to then turn the water on, then he washes his hands and then grabs a paper towel to dry his hands and also remove any soap from the faucet to leave the faucet cleaner than before for the next person.
Will, nice hard hitting and very interesting topic. You are an original, and by that I mean I’ve never seen a guy who clearly emmits so much filth from every cell exposed to the atmosphere just in the process of breathing, yet at the same time is an obsessive compulsive germ freak. I see why you are so passionate about showers, life must be tough for you. Unless…this all satire, but it’s not funny, at all, so you must be walking garbage.
We finally found Todd?!
If you have grease on your hands it’s the only way to get it off #facts
My office waters down the hand soap and the knobs on the sink are the kind you have to push down and only stay on for about 4 seconds. It’s the worst!
Assuming the soap is liquid (if you’re using bar soap in the office I assume you’ll be ground zero for the zombie apocalypse), I put it on first, then wet my hands and get it sudsy. Come at me