What It’s (Actually) Like To Date A Comedian

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Last week a New York Post article titled What It’s Like to Date an NYC Comedian was making the rounds in the comedy community. When I say “the comedy community,” all I’m referring to is comedy Facebook groups in major cities and Twitter. It’s not like we all have a monthly meeting and somebody’s expected to bring doughnuts.

There are varying degrees to success in comedy and I don’t claim to be anything but what I truly am: a bar and weeknight club comic who’s been performing on the side for over six years now. It is not my full time profession and I am not an expert by any means. But I know more about comedians than the average bear. This article took some major liberties and I want to shed some light on them…

“Most [women] go on dates with lawyers, accountants or finance types, and comedians are interesting to them. They don’t wanna talk to someone about spreadsheets. My job is exotic to them.”

Spoken like a man who’s never actually held down a full time job. Sure lawyers, accountants and finance types don’t get paid to talk about their dick to a room full of strangers, but I bet they get paid a whole helluva lot more for their “spreadsheets.” That’s probably “exotic” enough for most women. Only an insecure egomaniac would be stupid enough to think that a lawyer couldn’t be interesting.

“I’ve definitely seen women out and about going to [comedy clubs] and even taking improv classes to find single men,” says Devyn Simone, a matchmaker who’s seen this trend grow over the past two years.

When I did improv at The Second City, it was crazy how 100% of the women in my class were there exclusively to sleep with me. I don’t blame them, every other man on the planet just talks about spreadsheets all day. Why not meet a well-adjusted, down to Earth man in a LEVEL ONE IMPROV CLASS?

“Humor is important to women because in 20 years, when he’s still leaving the toilet seat up, the only thing that’s going to get you through it is laughing at him or with him.”

In twenty years, if your significant other is still a struggling comedian, the only thing you’ll have left is a toilet seat. You’ll eventually beat him to death with it, laughing at him (not with him) as he pleas for his life in between making sarcastic comments and not taking the situation seriously.

“If you have a really good [comedy] set, you’re a superhero,” says Greenbaum, who says that his act doubles as an icebreaker. “[Comedy] is a turn-on for [women]. It’s like what alcohol has on some men.”

If you have a really good late night set at a club on the weekend, that is an incredible feeling. But it’s few and far between because sometimes you have just an okay set. Other times you bomb.

Most of the time you’re performing on a Tuesday night to a half empty bar of drunks. Or in somebody’s basement. Or a Chinese restaurant. Or for a bar full of drunks in the basement of a Chinese restaurant. There’s a famous comedy venue in SF that is literally a laundromat. “Ladies, come drop off a load of laundry and hopefully by the end of this frozen yogurt joke the pants you’re wearing will need washing too. Don’t mind the homeless people – try to remember, this is having the same effect on you as alcohol should!”

“Gabrielle Puglia says she’d rather admire funny men at comedy clubs… than try to meet dudes in traditional bars. “When you go to a bar, there’s little interaction and it’s so loud,” Puglia, a 29-year-old executive assistant based in Bay Ridge, tells The Post.

Let me get this straight Gabi, you go to comedy clubs to stare at funny men and you prefer them to normal bars where there’s little interaction and it’s loud? Have you been to a comedy club before? There’s literally zero interaction with the comic and all you’re doing is staring at somebody being way too loud. I have a feeling Gabi doesn’t have a ton going for her in the brains department. Probably why she’s still an executive assistant at 29.

Carolyn also targets comedy clubs in the hopes of finding Mr. Right — whether it’s the comedian or an audience member with a sense of humor.

Get a load of this Looney Tune who “targets” comedy shows and stares dead-eyed at male audience members instead of paying attention to the show she paid $20 and two drinks for.

Interestingly, while men can up their attractiveness quotient through humor, the reverse isn’t true. Dating expert Simone says that’s because men care more about beauty than personality. “Men are just not as evolved,” Simone says. “Men care about a woman’s looks because it’s a status symbol for them.”

Men are just not as evolved? How can this “dating expert” be so obtuse? Quit pretending it’s only men who care about looks and status. How many women have stuck it out with a good-looking guy who’s an utter piece of shit? According to Simone the “dating expert,” none.

Here’s the reason it’s harder for a woman to be both funny and attractive as opposed to men: it’s socially acceptable for men to be obnoxious. Think about one of your funniest guy friends and ask yourself if maybe, sometimes, they’re a little obnoxious? Doesn’t make you like him less does it?

But a woman who’s obnoxious? Might as well be a social death sentence. It won’t even be men who want nothing to do with her; it’ll be women too. I’m not saying it’s fair. I’m just stating the facts. It’s a complete double standard.

Carolyn Busa, a 31-year-old comic… After casually dating a few of her colleagues…Decided that they’re not marriage material. “It’s great to see them onstage … But I also think they’re kinda secluded people and need their time to be by themselves … That can be frustrating. If you’re getting into a relationship with this person, he’s not gonna deal with [his emotions] in a bright and funny way,” Busa says.

Wrong. A comic’s job is to observe the world around him/her. It gives them the perspective and honesty to create something funny for others. Believe it or not, those skills can be translated to relationships Carolyn. I’m an expert communicator in my relationship and that’s because I’ve spent my free evenings communicating to a room full of strangers about very personal topics. I’m also very receptive to feedback and criticism from the Capital R Roommate because again, room full of strangers etc. Of course there are always going to be emotionally stunted men but that’s in every walk of life.

By the way Carolyn, you’ve never wanted time to be by yourself? What if you have diarrhea? Also, what kind of person deals with their emotions in a “bright and funny” way? A certified maniac, that’s who.

And, since humor can come from a very dark place, there’s usually a huge difference between the routine and the person behind it.

Wait, so you’re saying that I have to be the same onstage as I am off? So I actually do have to cancel on my own funeral?

I couldn’t imagine a scenario where a woman would ever look and act a certain way when people are paying attention to them and be completely different in another. Seriously, zero examples come to mind.

I am so sick of the stereotype that “humor comes from a dark place,” or hearing, “Yeah he’s a comedian – he must be really depressed.” Yes, there are comedians who suffer from dark pasts and depression. There are also firefighters, bankers and cashiers at Target who deal with the same issues. Comedians shouldn’t be lumped in with mental illness just because somebody doesn’t understand comedy.

Personally, comedy for me came from growing up in a big family and constantly seeking attention. Combine that with a rocky relationship with my mother and voila, the need to entertain strangers and the approval from older women was born.

I don’t hide from it, I won’t shy away from it and I certainly don’t consider myself “exotic” or “dark.” I just consider myself a comedian..

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If you’re looking for actual dating advice from two regular people as opposed to dating “experts”, check out Jenna Crowley, and I on Don’t Take It From Us! This week Jenna braved the heat as we revealed the winner of the 5 Star Review contest, graded more Bumble profiles and answered quite possibly the weirdest DM we’ve ever received about the rightful return of property. Next week we have Crime Dog himself David Ruff on to give us free legal advice and answer your dating questions. You don’t want to miss it!

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JR Hickey

Stand up comedian and writer from Chicago who now resides on the West Coast. JR can be seen performing at Cobbs Comedy Club in San Francisco and Zanies Comedy Clubs in Chicago. His work has been published in the Chicago Tribune and recently he was a part of SF Sketchfest 2015. JR's also the host of the PGP dating podcast Don't Take It From Us. He loves you very, very much.

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