What I Said On My Date Last Night Vs. What I Meant

What I Said On My Date Last Night Vs. What I Meant

What I Said: Yeah, it’s seriously so cold outside. Want to head inside?
What I Meant: It is literally 2 degrees Fahrenheit outside, we need booze. Warmth, too.

What I Said: So, how did you say you found this place?
What I Meant: I know I let you pick the place for the second date, but why are we at a wine bar when I’ve explicitly told you multiple times that I’m a dive bar kind of guy?

What I Said: I know it’s weird, but I like to Yelp all of the places I go to beforehand, just to see what kind of atmosphere it is. Don’t want to be underdressed!
What I Meant: If you didn’t tell me that 404 was a wine bar, I would be wearing a hoodie and jeans right now.

What I Said: Yeah, if you want a Red Blend, you should go for it!
What I Meant: You deliberately asked me to go to a wine bar tonight. If you order a Red Blend when I make an effort to order a Pinot Noir from some bullshit ranch in California, I’m going to be very disappointed.

What I Said: Yeah, that Red Blend does taste good!
What I Meant: I’m so disappointed right now.

What I Said: My favorite kind of wine? Honestly, it’s the kind that has alcohol in it! *Laughs charmingly*
What I Meant: It’s winter. Anything red, preferably a nice cabernet around this time. Pinot Noir doesn’t hurt, I’ll just figure it out as I look at the menu.

What I Said: Are you so excited to see your family for the next two weekends?
What I Meant: I can’t believe that we’re confining this thing — whatever it is — to weeknights at this point.

What I Said: Oh, so you only live a few blocks away? Did you walk here then?
What I Meant: I’ll keep that in mind for later.

What I Said: *Laughs* Yeah, I wore my ugly sweater to our company’s holiday party yesterday. What, are you wearing yours right now?!
What I Meant: Okay, seriously, we’ve gone on two dates now and you’ve only worn sweaters. I’m starting to get suspicious. What gives?

What I Said: Wow, yeah I don’t know what I would do if I had limited heat in my apartment.
What I Meant: I take back my previous statement about the sweaters.

What I Said: Are…are you for real kind of drunk off of one and a half glasses of wine?
What I Meant: Are…are you for real kind of drunk off of one and a half glasses of wine?

What I Said: What?! No! No! I’m not judging you! I’m drinking water too! That’s why I said you might want to grab some!
What I Meant: Oh dear God.

What I Said: Look, if you really really want, I’ll finish up your glass for you. Fuck, I’ll even order one to out-drunk you!
What I Meant: If that’s what it takes for this to not be weird, or to not make a scene in the middle of a nice bar, I’ll take that bullet.

What I Said: I mean, if you’re curious about how much the bartender makes in a year, you should just ask her! What’s the worst that could happen?
What I Meant: Please do not ask the bartender how much she makes in a year.

What I Said: No, seriously, I got this. Don’t worry about the bar tab, I’m sure it’ll come back around sooner or later.
What I Meant: If we go out again, I’m only ordering Whiskey Gingers.

What I Said: Hey, I know you only live a few blocks away, do you want me to walk you home?
What I Meant: Despite my internal complaints, I’m still attracted to you and want to see you naked. Also, I genuinely want to make sure you get home safely.

What I Said: Oh, yeah I get that. Just seems like a really cold walk home to me. Either way, I’ll just order an Uber and head to my place.
What I Meant: What should I masturbate to tonight?

What I Said: I hope I see you again soon!
What I Meant: I really do hope I see you again soon. That being said, if we don’t see each other next week, we’ll probably just end up ghosting each other.

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Using sarcasm as a defense mechanism since 1993. At any given moment I'm either tired, drunk, or stressed out. Get at me at or whatever.

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