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Today, July 16th, marks the official beginning of the hardest time of year. The Sports Slump. While the next two months will be filled with patios, boats, beach days, and all other manners of summer fun, there is one thing that will be missing. Good sports. Games that matter. Something to watch on TV, to get your competitive juices flowing, and to give you a reason to drink on weeknights.
For the next two months, we get none of that. No football games to tailgate. No fall Sundays where you can post up, just a man and his RedZone, and watch 10 consecutive hours of freakishly strong guys whoop the shit out of each other. No NBA. Despite the incredible offseason and free agency shenanigans we’ve experienced, we now have to wait a whole three months before we get to see all that drama unfold. LeBron in LA? Boogie on the Warriors? The Rockets…committing to Chris Paul? At least two of those will be entertaining, but not yet. And not for a while.
Hell, even the NHL season is still months away. For nine months out of the year, we are blessed with the chance to watch the toughest men in sports (Fight me in the comments. I will die on this hill) play an incredibly violent game. Big hits. Bigger fights. All played at 25 mph on sharpened blades. That shit is terrifying, exhilarating, and always fun to watch. But not now. Because it’s July, and the preseason doesn’t even start until September.
College sports? Hell nah. Those kids are on summer break. We’ve got several months to go until we can enjoy watching young men and women forgo their education so they can compete for a natty. Do you love real storylines and heartfelt emotions in sports? Well too bad. School’s out for summer.
You know how I know the Sports Slump is bad? Because this year we were graced with the World Cup, and I watched damn near every game of it. That’s right. A sport I have publicly denounced for years, I followed, enjoyed, and most importantly, bet on. In fact, I got so into World Cup mania that at one point I bet my hard-earned American dollars on a professional sporting event to end in a tie. A fucking tie. The worst ending in sports. And I was actively rooting for that to happen. That’s how low I will sink when there’s nothing else to watch. That’s how much the Sports Slump hurts me. Hurts us all.
“But what about Baseball?” You scream at me from your dip-stained teeth. “What about the American pastime? Surely you’re forgetting about that!” No. No, guy who I’m sure has three cheese dip stains on his shirt, I’m not forgetting about it. Do you know why it’s called “The American Pastime, and not The American Sport?” Because it’s boring as shit, and all it’s good for is passing the time.
I’m sorry to everyone who just had an aneurysm. I love America. I’m a patriot. But it’s time to admit that if you remove the traditions and pageantry from baseball, it’s a shitty sport. 90% of the game involves people standing around. Half the players are fat and can barely run the 90 feet to first base without getting winded. Hell, it even named itself a “sport of statistics.” Are statistics fun? Is math exciting? Fuck no. I’m sure you have great memories of playing as a kid and watching games with your old man, but that doesn’t change the facts that baseball is not entertaining.
But you know what? I can overlook a sport I don’t really enjoy if it’s the only sport option I have. Hell, I just talked about how I watched the World Cup. But at least those games meant something. Mid-season baseball doesn’t mean shit. There’s 162 games in the regular season, before the playoffs even start. One hundred and sixty-two. What does winning or losing one game out of 162 mean? Nothing. It means nothing. In September, when playoff races are on, it means something, but right now? In July? With 60+ games to go? It means about as much as the first ten minutes of a basketball game- nothing.
So that’s where we’re at. The Sports Slump. Sure, it’s shorter this year due to the World Cup extending it a month, but it’s still here. And it’s here to stay. So buckle up, America. Go to some baseball games (I can admit going to a summer ballgame is one of the most fun sports experiences possible). Stream some back-alley Ukrainian cage fights. Even watch golf, I guess. Do whatever you have to do to get your sports fix over the next few months, because soon enough it’ll be October, the greatest month in sports. We just have to ride out the slump..
Respond
Nick Arcadia
The opposite of a life coach. Email or DM me if you want some bad advice: nickarcadiapgp@gmail.com
@noampao
noamio
The Open is this weekend, push the Sports scaries back a week
Baseball may be the worst sport to watch on TV, however, baseball and hockey are the two best to watch in person.
100% correct. Baseball has the best ambiance. Hockey is the best on-field product.
Came to say the same thing, catching a game at Petco is a great time. The Pad Squad is hot garbage but the beer is great and being outside with your friends is worth an 18 dollar ticket.
The only people who don’t like baseball are ones who aren’t smart enough to see how intricate it is.
Speaking as someone who watches at least a couple innings of my teams baseball games almost daily, I have to admit the June-July-early August stretch of baseball is fairly mundane
Intricacy does not equal entertainment. Chess is extremely intricate and extremely boring to watch.
I’m sure someone who understands the intricacies of chess would disagree.
Think you’re missing the point champ. If you understand the intricacies the game is entertaining, if you don’t then you find it boring where most guys stand around and do nothing.
“Baseball is dull only to dull minds.” -Red Barber
I think I really enjoyed the World Cup this summer based on the fact that the US didn’t make it, and we were able to witness the best soccer players in the world do their thing without being blinded by how the US is doing.
Yeah…true…but it’s still just soccer and grown men have no business flopping and rolling around the way those goobers do
I’m hoping that the ridicule Neymar received will reduce that…but nah I doubt it.
“Half the players are fat and can barely run the 90 feet to first base without getting winded.”
Yes, it’s fun to laugh at Pablo Sandoval but 95+% of MLB players have the athleticism and were multiple sport legends at the high school level. Plus, is there a faster human being than Billy Hamilton (who climbed (not jumped) over a wall to rob a HR just two days ago) in any of the three major sports? I doubt it
“What does winning or losing one game out of 162 mean? Nothing.”
In 2017 the Brewers missed the wild card by 1 game
In 2016 the Cardinals missed the wild card by 1 game
In 2015 the Angels missed the wild card by 1 game
In 2014 the Mariners missed the wild card by 1 game
In 2013 the Rangers missed the wild card by 1 game
In 2011 the Red Sox and the Braves each missed the wild card by 1 game
In 2010 the Padres missed the wild card by 1 game
In 2008 the Mets missed the wild card by 1 game
In 2007 the Padres missed the wild card by 1 game
In 2005 the Phillies missed the wild card by 1 game
In 2004 the Giants missed the wild card by 1 game
ok guy, relax
nah fam, if he’s going to spit that nonsense he better come correct.
It’s not nonsense, but you can prove your point in less words is all I’m getting at.
It’s hard to see game one as significant as game 160 is all he’s saying.
Pretty much every professional basketball, baseball, and football player was a high school sports legend. I went to the same high school as Sam Bradford and the kid could have gone pro in football, baseball, or hockey. To make it to the pros in any major sport means you are a FREAK athlete.
Also, the 2008 Twins lost to the White Sox in a one game playoff, and the 2009 Tigers lost to the Twins in a one game playoff. Obviously, one more win in the dog days would have won both teams the Central
1 game doesn’t mean anything? Season can hinge on one play. Matt Holiday never touched the plate. Those padres missed playoffs still hurt…
Getting swept in the World Series hurts more. From your PGP Rockies fan.
Billy Hamilton probably isn’t faster than jadevon clowney to be fair
LOL he absolutely is. Hamilton would run a 4.21 40 compared to Clowney’s 4.51. Both clocking in faster than Tom Hanks, for reference.
Billy’s last clocked 40 was a 4.5
@ me
College football is less than 7 weeks away folks. Enjoy the time off from Sports (for you non baseball fans), Labor Day weekend will be here before we know it.
September is easily my favorite sports month of the year. Full on football and I still get to enjoy baseball low key for a month before playoffs.
it is often overlooked. September carries an underrated holiday (labor day), the start of college and professional football, divisional races in baseball, and all this is paired with nearly perfect weather nationwide. September should be one of everyone’s favorite months in general.
Plus opening weekend of dove season
Royals tickets are so cheap right now that going to a game and sitting in the nosebleeds while having a few beers costs less than a night out and is good for some laughs. Silver linings folks.
Bring back the $7 HyVee seats. We deserve it with this heat & record breaking season
Another silver lining is if not many people are at the game, you can move closer to the field after paying nosebleed-prices.
Been doing that all year at Sox games. Better food, and don’t have to deal with all the “life long cub fans”. But yea we still suck.
The NBA is the worst sports league in existence right now
I grew up on basketball. Love playing. Enjoy watching and debating over NBA. Right now I agree 100%. There is literally no competition and everyone just joins teams with their buddies so they can beat the shit out of every single low market team they see.
You know there’s only actually 11 minutes of live action in a football game right?
I love sports but don’t act like football is non stop action.
yeah but there are more “game changing” plays per game than arguably any other sport.
Live action, correct. But there is still a huge cat and mouse/chess game going on between plays.
Bad take. Baseball is Americana. It is the epitome of the summer: relaxed, with a beer, and bursts of excitement.