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A few weeks ago, I gave you the odds on who was going to be the next Bachelor. People were saying me versus Dillon was like McGregor versus Mayweather in terms of anticipation and national coverage. The peanut gallery seemed to think Luke Pell was an oversight (he wasn’t because he burned bridges with the producers, remember?
One actual oversight did occur, though. I overlooked Wells Adams. And after tuning into Bachelor in Paradise last night, I’m almost hundo P convinced we’re going to get a chance to see Wells date a harem of thirty women. I hadn’t had a chance to watch BiP yet this season. I know, crucify me and hang me from my nutsack in the city center for all to see. I’m sorry but I’ve been busy going on dates client dinners, so I had no idea Wells was the new BiP bartender, but after seeing him in action, it makes so much sense that he’d be the next Bachelor.
They put him on Paradise to give him face time with America. Reintroduce the lovable guy to everyone. Then the producers thought, “Oh shit, what if he gets the ol’ heave ho too early in the season?” Welp, make him the constant bartender and he can never get sent home. Fucking brilliant. Also, best job in Paradise. It’s like all-time quarterback in a game of pickup football, because everyone knows playing defense sucks. Anyway, bartender Wells? Best job in para-para-Paradise because you can still drink and you can’t ever get sent home. It’s the all-inclusive vacation without the chance of deportation.
He can’t actually be in a relationship on Paradise, which kind of sucks. (He did make out with Danielle, the music video nurse, who has as much personality as a goose egg). But it’s essentially ensuring the dude stays single. That said, he’s becoming the Paradise therapist, hearing everyone’s problems and endearing himself to America. He’s essentially becoming everyone’s bestie and getting himself deep in The Friend Zone, ensuring that we start feeling bad for him a little when we’ve got smoke stacks Kristina and D-Lo fighting over my man Dean, and poor Wells is stuck making Jasmine another tequila soda with a splash of pineapple (solid drink, IMO).
I don’t know how Wells has been acting for most of the show, but honestly, he kind of pissed me off a little yesterday. Him and that stupid puppet making fun of cute little Christen? That wasn’t nice. But… BUT, we can’t have a perfect Bachelor. Dare I say the producers told him to be a little edgier? A little more of a dick? It took Wells like seven vernal equinoxes to finally make out with Jojo on her season; the producers don’t want a goody two shoes, they want someone with a little edge. He can still be the sweetest Bachelor ever, but if he’s too nice? There won’t be enough #drama.
So Wells is out here continuing to build his social following, continuing to get America to love him, continuing to dig himself so deep in the Friend Zone that America is collectively offering up their daughters to the fantasy suite for the poor guy. It makes too much sense. Add in the fact that he’s a charismatic DJ who doesn’t speak in dumb clichés? I’m putting all my chips into the middle on Wells as the next Bachelor.
But make sure to catch me and Dillon on Well’s runner up’s season of The Bachelorette. .
Image via Twitter
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Boston Max
Spending my retirement fund at Trader Joe's and trying to remember to check my mailbox semi-regularly
@BostonMaxG
@boston_maxg
I told my friend just last night that I NEEDED Wells to be the next Bachelor. I’m so on board with this idea.
Whenever I watch the BiP intro credits and Wells smiles at the camera I can’t help but smile back at my tv, I’m all in on Wells
I don’t hate this.
CALLED IT
Wells almost died on the firefighter date on JoJo’s season. Let’s not forget that.
He looked oh so good in that uniform though.
And he got more time with the girl as a result. Wells knows what he’s doing.
Christen is a psychopath, nothing about her is cute. #ScallopFingers
Nailed it.
You guys alllll told me BiP was a must watch, I watched an episode last night and had to turn it off. These shows are goddamn horrible. Sorry
Gotta take a broader picture of things. I will say if you use last night’s Crazy Jasmine episode or last week’s Weepy Lacey one to base things off of, those were kinda of duds and I get it. Overall, it’s solid trash entertainment most of the time.
Can’t support someone that considers Evan a friend. Bring back Luke!