Wear A F**king Suit


Every so often, something comes up on the internet that I have to respond to. Something so absurd, nonsensical, and flat out infuriating that it warrants a response. It deserves to be dragged out into the street, stripped down and revealed as the fraud it is. That happened when this Elite Daily article came across my timeline. Entitled “Dear Mom: 8 Reasons Why I’ll Never Wear A Suit To Work,” it’s the typical hackery, self-appreciating, pat-on-the-backery you would come to expect from Elite Daily.

I get it. Elite Daily is the romantic to PGP’s cynic. It’s a site that fellates celebrates millennials, enabling empowering them to be the most intolerable best they possibly can be. However, articles like this just make my skin crawl. It’s the epitome of why anyone older than 35-years-old cannot stand our generation. Yes, we’re the generation that’s brought you social media, ridesharing, the smartphone, and the ability to order pizza with minimal human interaction. We’re also a generation that loves to tell old people (yuck! Right, guys?) why we won’t conform and why we make the rules up in this bitch. This was no more apparent than it was in this article.

So, how about I take your 8 reasons why suits are dumb/bad/ugly/fascist and turn them into 8 reasons why everyone should have a suit-and-tie job at one point or another.

1. “Because I’m passionate about the dream, not the paycheck.”

I respect the hell out of people who pursue their dreams, but a dream is just a vision without a plan. You can keep chasing the dream all you want, but wearing a suit is all part of a bigger plan to those of us who at one point or another hit up a 3-for-1 special at Jos. A. Bank. While you were dreaming about whatever the hell it is you want to do with your life, we were waking up at 6 a.m. and busted our ass so we could get to a place where we’re not wearing a suit everyday.

2. “Because I’m into celebrating small successes, not my CEO’s achievements.”

Let’s just float on down to CEO-less land, where we don’t have health coverage or steady paychecks. The average CEO makes 300 times the amount of the average worker, but the odds are that CEO busted their ass through grad school, paid their dues, made the right connections and were given similar chances you have been given. Sure, luck has a lot to do with it, but you make your own luck. Stop dreaming, start doing.

3. “Because I want to have a voice, not just a 401K”

See how far your voice will take you when you’re 65 or trying to put kids through college.

4. “Because I want to be the man, not work for him.”

To be the man, you’ve gotta beat the man. Working in corporate America has its benefits. Not everyone drops out of Harvard and invents Facebook. A vital part of success is learning from experts and surrounding yourself with the right people.

5. “Because I want to work for a vision I believe in, not one that dictates my wardrobe.”

That’s honorable, but again, what exactly is your vision? Your vision is probably different from those who just want to contribute to society. Not everyone can be a professional athlete, rock star, actor or a millionaire CEO of a startup. The difference is talent and desire. Talent stands out. Just because you show up to work in a v-neck and a pair of jeans doesn’t mean you’re willing to work harder than someone who has a couple grand’s worth of corporate garb hanging in their closet. This is coming from someone who hasn’t worn a suit to work in two years, but also from someone who speaks for anyone who puts on the same $250 dollar suit and sits in a 7×7 cube in an effort to better themselves and make their mark any way they can.

6. “Because I want to enjoy my job, not resent it.”

There’s a reason it’s called a job. There’s a reason it’s called work. It’s because you have a responsibility and people who count on you. If taking an extra 15 minutes in the morning to make sure you look a little bit better than your competitor makes you resent your job, go work at McDonalds. If you want to play in the big leagues, you have to wear the uniform.

7. “Because I want to feel like I’m part of a family, not a team”

This might be the most egregious claim. Being part of a family requires unconditional love and support. Being part of a team requires accountability and trust. A family is willing to forgive mistake after mistake and accepts its members for who they are. A team holds those who makes mistakes accountable and works towards a common goal. Teamwork makes the dreamwork. Teamwork also makes everyone filthy rich.

8. Because I don’t want to spend money on clothes I hate wearing

If what you’re wearing to work dictates your happiness, you really need to re-evaluate what makes you happy.

Image via Shutterstock

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Brian McGannon

What do I love? I love happy hour, a good golf tan, and getting moderately drunk during dinner.

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