Dear God, Please Let This Rumor About A Waterproof iPhone 7 Be True

Dear God, Please Let This Rumor About A Waterproof iPhone 7 Be True

There are several problems with our iPhones that we know Apple could easily fix. They could increase the battery life so we wouldn’t have to cut our day drinking short to snag a charge. They could improve the camera in an effort to increase our likes. They could increase the memory so I could stop getting those damn alerts that my phone is full. You and I both know that it’s not actually full, Apple, so just stop it once and for all.

But they might’ve really hit the nail on the head here, you guys. There’s a rumor that would change the iPhone 7 for the better, and it’s not the stupid headphone jack that’s going to force us to all throw away the headphones we’ve already invested in – there are rumblings that the new iPhone will be waterproof.

Yes, waterproof.

Last week, Apple filed a patent with the US Patent and Trademark Office that would allow their new phones to take viable underwater photos which, in return, would mean that their phones would actually have to be fucking waterproof. The patent is called “Method for Color Balancing Underwater Photography.” I’d include the actual patent graphic in this, but it looks like a computer rendering that someone did in 1979, and it would really be of zero help to me or anyone interested in the concept of a waterproof iPhone.

Apple is trying to, “receive and edit image data of an underwater scene in a digital image in order to remove undesirable tints from objects in the scene.” I don’t know what that means because I’m not Jacque Cousteau, but what I do know is that this means we’d be able to do the following: not worry about dropping it while boating / jetskiing / paddleboarding, text in the rain, and pee your pants with your phone in your pocket because you were too drunk to remember to plug it in before bed. You know, if that’s your thing.

As someone who has fallen in the water with his phone on his person only to go three months without a phone, the idea of a waterproof version of the iPhone would mean an immediate upgrade for me on September 16 when the new phone is rumored to get revealed.

And before any Android users feel like chirping about their waterproof devices, just know that you’re still not cool and you might as well still text with T9 on a brick Nokia. Blue iMessages or nothing, losers.

[via Elite Daily]

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Will deFries (Twitter / Instagram) is a Senior Editor at Grandex and the world's foremost authority on Sunday Scaries (Twitter / Instagram).

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