The guy next to me quit so I switched my monitor for his bigger one. PGPM.

Holy shit my timeline is nauseating. PGP.

No idea what happened to FIFA, but I’ve had three separate conversations about it.

1: “Did you see my email?”2: “Yeah… Looking at it right now…” PGP

I stole toilet paper from my work. PGP.

“You were such a loyal supporter of the fraternity as an undergrad, would you consider making a recurring donation now that you’re an alumni?”

My manager is having a grad party for getting her masters. I didn’t get invited.

I don’t go to happy hour with my coworkers for fear of getting drunk and telling them how much I hate them

My life goal is to be so successful that it hurts my ex girlfriends feelings. PGP

“When I was your age, I was just like you.” PGP.