I used to wonder what “your love life’s DOA” from the Friends theme song was like. Now I know.

Clicking on different parts of your desktop constantly to look as if you’re actually doing something. PGP

The new intern gets bigger projects and more responsibility than I do. PGP.

When leaving 5 min later than normal costs you 45 minutes on your commute…PGP.

I think of a new place to move. Every. Day.

“What would you say yah do here?” PGP

Fucking up commas for me is spending $200 on a bar tab. PGP.

Random monitored drug tests.

Stressed because I’m losing hair, losing hair because I’m stressed. PGP.

Layoff rumors are spreading and I might be the only one excited about it.