I remember one weekend in college I got so drunk I blacked out while getting it on with this fetching blonde number from our rival school. I woke up to a taxidermied platypus in my bed. To this day, I’m still not sure if I made love to a beautiful woman or a stuffed mammal that lays eggs.
I remember when I proposed like it was yesterday. She said, “I’m pregnant and I think it’s yours.” And I said, “I guess we should stop doing so much cocaine then.” 6 months later, we got married. It was a more simple time back then.
Even I can’t save Todd from that succubus. It’s something he has to do on his own. Like when I broke things off with Meg Ryan because she was too clingy.
Todd doesn’t have a sister. Not that I know of anyway. Although, there was that ONE time in ’82 with this tight blonde number. She was a jazz dancer and she could put both of her feet behind her head. Needless to say, I didn’t pull out…
Haven’t gotten a lot of action from my old lady after our 25th anniversary. I don’t think it has anything to do with ice caps melting or whatever. One of my buddies showed me this thing called “Tinder.” Might give it a try.
Sure was. I went to the one in San Francisco in ’87. Took so much acid I thought I was having sex with a talking cactus. Turns out I was just getting a blow job from a freaky little brunette minx. And that’s how I met your mother.
I’d like to see Christie, Jeb, or Kasich to get the nomination. I realize not a lot of people like Christie, but I’ve met him and he’s actually a pretty cool guy. However, I’d say Jeb with Kasich as Vice is our best chance to beat Hillary since they’re both governors of swing states.
I had a pretty good weekend. The wife wouldn’t let me go out Friday night with the boys so I slipped a couple of my Ambien in her glass of Cabernet. I came home at 4 am and she was still passed out on the love seat.
Last real vacation I had was when the ol’ ball and chain lost her voice from shouting at a store clerk for not accepting her expired coupon. Best week I’ve had in 30 years.
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It was the 80s, that’s all you need to know.
I remember one weekend in college I got so drunk I blacked out while getting it on with this fetching blonde number from our rival school. I woke up to a taxidermied platypus in my bed. To this day, I’m still not sure if I made love to a beautiful woman or a stuffed mammal that lays eggs.
I remember when I proposed like it was yesterday. She said, “I’m pregnant and I think it’s yours.” And I said, “I guess we should stop doing so much cocaine then.” 6 months later, we got married. It was a more simple time back then.
Funny, Dennis Quaid told me the same thing, and I told him to be careful what he wished for.
Even I can’t save Todd from that succubus. It’s something he has to do on his own. Like when I broke things off with Meg Ryan because she was too clingy.
I know MY best years were in the 80’s.
When are you going to bring me back into the storyline?
Son, I think we should talk.
Todd doesn’t have a sister. Not that I know of anyway. Although, there was that ONE time in ’82 with this tight blonde number. She was a jazz dancer and she could put both of her feet behind her head. Needless to say, I didn’t pull out…
Haven’t gotten a lot of action from my old lady after our 25th anniversary. I don’t think it has anything to do with ice caps melting or whatever. One of my buddies showed me this thing called “Tinder.” Might give it a try.
Sure was. I went to the one in San Francisco in ’87. Took so much acid I thought I was having sex with a talking cactus. Turns out I was just getting a blow job from a freaky little brunette minx. And that’s how I met your mother.
Back when I was in college, we used to laugh at fat chicks all the time. We never paid them, though.
I’d like to see Christie, Jeb, or Kasich to get the nomination. I realize not a lot of people like Christie, but I’ve met him and he’s actually a pretty cool guy. However, I’d say Jeb with Kasich as Vice is our best chance to beat Hillary since they’re both governors of swing states.
Back in ’82 the only wingman you needed was a little Colombian marching powder to get the ladies going.
I had a pretty good weekend. The wife wouldn’t let me go out Friday night with the boys so I slipped a couple of my Ambien in her glass of Cabernet. I came home at 4 am and she was still passed out on the love seat.
If you need bail money, I have a bank account your mother doesn’t know about.
Sorry about that, Jamie. Sometimes, when you’ve been married as long as I have, you gotta mix things up a bit.
Last real vacation I had was when the ol’ ball and chain lost her voice from shouting at a store clerk for not accepting her expired coupon. Best week I’ve had in 30 years.