Pretending you were drunk when you were actually just a sober psycho. PGP.

The old women in the cubicle next to me is singing along with Christmas music and I’m super hungover. PGP.

Hamilton sucked. I want my rent money back. PGP.

Burned my bagel this morning. PGP.

Finally broke a 6 month dry spell. Woke up more sore than I’ve been in 6 months. PGP.

When you lie awake at night and remember that you forgot to send an important email. PGP.

Holiday party is a cash bar. I can’t wait to leave this place. PGP.

A coworker asked me, “What does ‘totes lit fam’ mean?” PGP.

I can name every “Little Women” character in today’s Google doodle. I’m a guy. PGP.

Listening to three girls in their mid-twenties discuss their wedding plans while subtly comparing how much each will cost. PGP.