I used to work here. Fuck you, all of you whining assholes. Jesus, get a collective life. And fuck your safe space. It’s gone now, and so are your protective nannies who used to wipe your asses and kiss your booboos and tell you everything will be OK. Life’s a bitch and you damn well better get used to it.
I used to date a woman whose favorite line was “What’s THAT supposed to mean?” Total power move that instantly put me on the defensive, trying to explain whatever meaningless thing I had said. Just wanted to say that.
If you’re an 8.5 or higher, it will boost your date’s status. If you’re below a 6, you’d better have some good jokes ready. If you get drunk and make out in the copy room, make sure it’s with your date’s boss.
The landlord’s solution to the rodent infestation will be to either put out a trap which will kill the mouse in a gory and disgusting manner (which is actually fairly satisfying if you’re not offended by mouse guts), or to put out some Deth Rat which will cause the little booger to die a lonely death is some inaccessible location and subsequently stink up your apartment. Or you could just get a cat.
Advertise
I killed a hitch hiker and buried him behind my garage. Fuck it, it’s the holidays.
Delete your account
555 95472 appeared in Peanuts in 1963.
Don’t give your kid the middle name Wayne unless you want him to be a serial killer.
Delete your account
As a movie, Love Actually sucks. As an aphrodisiac, Love Actually rocks. Guaranteed.
Try less
We get it. You watched W1A.
That paper towel holder is an absolute piece of crap. Impossible to tear off a single towel without using both hands.
I used to date a woman whose favorite line was “What’s THAT supposed to mean?” Total power move that instantly put me on the defensive, trying to explain whatever meaningless thing I had said. Just wanted to say that.
They died on the toilet.
If you’re an 8.5 or higher, it will boost your date’s status. If you’re below a 6, you’d better have some good jokes ready. If you get drunk and make out in the copy room, make sure it’s with your date’s boss.
It’s a proven fact that wingtips cause constipation.
When are you going to delete this shitty account?
Fit Chicks have monkeybutt.
The landlord’s solution to the rodent infestation will be to either put out a trap which will kill the mouse in a gory and disgusting manner (which is actually fairly satisfying if you’re not offended by mouse guts), or to put out some Deth Rat which will cause the little booger to die a lonely death is some inaccessible location and subsequently stink up your apartment. Or you could just get a cat.
Delete your account
If the only thing you can hit reliably is a 7-iron off a tee, then a shitty cheapass par 3 can be a lot of fun.
I guess not.
Take the antlers off your car and put them on your dog where they belong.