I think you misunderstood what I meant by “play it cool,” as a mind game.
I 100% believe you need to get rid of those emotions first before moving on and don’t keep it bottled up inside- but do so privately with family, close friends (I’d recommend non-mutual friends), or even yourself. You need to have some outlet. But whatever you do, don’t direct any of your outlet toward the other person- take your crazy out in another non-public, non-social media outlet. That’s what I mean by playing it cool. Don’t show him your crazy, because that will only make him feel justified in dumping you.
I personally wouldn’t recommend deleting the other person from social media (that is if you want them back, if you don’t then fuck it block them), but just hide their posts, unfollow, or delete the app from your phone for a month (best option). Deleting the other person communicates that you were hurt by them, and trust me they dont care because if they did then they wouldn’t have hurt you to begin with.
We both agree that the best thing to do is immediately move on. The sooner she does this, the better off she’ll be.
And the best ways to move on are of course for her to first invest in improving herself to be the best person she can be (exercise, reading, focusing on work, studying, traveling, seeing friends, etc.). These improvements will not only keep her mind very busy but will naturally attract new and higher quality people into her life- people that will make the guy who left her look like a bum.
I’ve posted stuff like this on here before, and I hope you and others (because what I’m saying applies to guys to) actually read this and take this to heart. The more you chase someone, the more they will push you away. Read that sentence again. Now think about how you reaching out to his ex and him after he broke things off resulted in him blocking you on social media and now you’re considering mailing him letters??? The more you chase someone the more they will push you away.
Please read: If you are being dumped, the absolute best thing you can do is be very nonchalant and cool (even if your heart feels like it’s being ripped out) and say something along the lines “hey, I understand. If it doesn’t work out with him/her, give me a call, and if I’m still single then maybe we’ll try then, but I’m not waiting.”
And then this part is key: you move on. You go full no contact. You do nothing whatsoever. You don’t call them. You don’t send flowers or letters. You don’t text. You don’t like their posts or watch their stories. Don’t unfriend them or block them (if you want them back), but unfollow instead so they’re not on your feed. You move on.
The quickest way to get someone else’s attention is to remove yours.
Everyone comes back at least one time, so long as you keep cool and things didn’t end horribly. But you have to let them come back to you. You have to let them miss you. You have to let them think how they made a mistake dumping you and going for someone else. How can they miss you if you’re blowing up their phone and reaching out to the ex that they left you for???
You need to take this as a lesson because this relationship is over and you hurt your chances of getting this guy back. And if he does come back someday (in this case I’d say highly unlikely) you have to make him earn you back.
And honestly- this guy was talking to you about kids after a month but still had his ex in mind that he broke up with in the fall? 1. There’s a lot of emotional problems this guy is carrying that I could unpack but that’d make my post longer and you dodged a bullet there. 2. this guy wasn’t over her was the real reason he left you, but you gave him more “reasons” and validated his decision by your actions.
Chalk this up as a lesson learned and how you should act next time this happens.
Tl;dr The best thing to do after being dumped/rejected is nothing at all and play it cool.
This is a week old but if anyone happens to come back and read this, ^her comment is on point.
I’ve known stable, women who by all means can get any guy they want, who will travel crazy distances (6+ hours) to see just one guy they were REALLY into- even early on in the dating stage.
Point being, if a girl wants to see a guy, she will jump through insane hoops to see him. And if a girl blows you off, the correct response is “when you figure your schedule out, give me a call,” and then you move on (she might just give you a call later on).
I agree with this. I’m prepared for the down votes, but for whatever reason I never got on the Harry Potter craze back when we were kids. I tried watching all the movies the other year, got until the half blood prince and stopped- because they’re kids books and movies meant for kids and the people who grew up with them.
It’s cool and fine if you’re an adult who loves them still, hey I get it, no judgement. Hell I loved the star wars prequels as a kid (and they are absolute trash) so when a new Star Wars comes out I’ll still go and see it no matter how good or bad the reviews are, but I can step back and objectively say “yeah, these movies/writing/acting kinda sucks but screw it.” There’s a reason why we are totally okay with spending $100+ on tickets to theme parks based on Harry Potter, Marvel, Disney, etc. and it’s because we all still have that nostalgia and a little bit of our inner 10-year-old in us.
Do you enjoy advertising how a $170 date hurt your wallet every day here??? Just curious, because it’s not a very good PR move, or healthy for your confidence and mental state.
1st date: 2, MAYBE 3 Drinks. No apps (aren’t you trying to get buzzed and conversationally lose, so why are you soaking up the alcohol?). Call it a night because you’re a busy guy and have a busy day tomorrow, kiss her goodnight, leave her wanting more.
Don’t get distracted by mozzarella sticks and fried pickles next time. Keep your head on tight.
For a first date that immediately throws out the vibe that you’re wayyyy too into her, trying too hard to impress her, and placing a lot of pressure on her to like you/put out. You want her to feel comfortable, but shelling out $170 isn’t normal (isn’t normal read: uncomfortable) for a first date.
Slow your roll next time. Stick to a couple drinks. You’re just getting to know this girl, she could be an awful human being for all you know. Save the $170 date further down the line.
Look at ncw’s post below for example. By not knowing what they are, confusion sets in yes, but ultimately so does feelings and attraction. It’s a build up of anticipation.
Now think about all the guys who maybe told you their feelings too soon- I’m going to guess it turned you off a little. Especially the ones who maybe dropped the L word, might’ve freaked you out.
The mystery, anticipation, it all builds up and creates excitement. A guy telling you his feelings and asking to define the relationship… Not so much. Which is why it usually works best when the guy just hangs back, controls his feelings and keeps his emotions mysterous and a little aloof, until the build up becomes too much for the girl and she needs that confirmation, or release if you will.
Now you all can downvote as much as you want, but I know what I’ve said is 100% true and if more guys were to just shut up and relax, this stuff would play out like I’ve stated here.
Advertise
I think you misunderstood what I meant by “play it cool,” as a mind game.
I 100% believe you need to get rid of those emotions first before moving on and don’t keep it bottled up inside- but do so privately with family, close friends (I’d recommend non-mutual friends), or even yourself. You need to have some outlet. But whatever you do, don’t direct any of your outlet toward the other person- take your crazy out in another non-public, non-social media outlet. That’s what I mean by playing it cool. Don’t show him your crazy, because that will only make him feel justified in dumping you.
I personally wouldn’t recommend deleting the other person from social media (that is if you want them back, if you don’t then fuck it block them), but just hide their posts, unfollow, or delete the app from your phone for a month (best option). Deleting the other person communicates that you were hurt by them, and trust me they dont care because if they did then they wouldn’t have hurt you to begin with.
We both agree that the best thing to do is immediately move on. The sooner she does this, the better off she’ll be.
And the best ways to move on are of course for her to first invest in improving herself to be the best person she can be (exercise, reading, focusing on work, studying, traveling, seeing friends, etc.). These improvements will not only keep her mind very busy but will naturally attract new and higher quality people into her life- people that will make the guy who left her look like a bum.
To the girl,
I’ve posted stuff like this on here before, and I hope you and others (because what I’m saying applies to guys to) actually read this and take this to heart. The more you chase someone, the more they will push you away. Read that sentence again. Now think about how you reaching out to his ex and him after he broke things off resulted in him blocking you on social media and now you’re considering mailing him letters??? The more you chase someone the more they will push you away.
Please read: If you are being dumped, the absolute best thing you can do is be very nonchalant and cool (even if your heart feels like it’s being ripped out) and say something along the lines “hey, I understand. If it doesn’t work out with him/her, give me a call, and if I’m still single then maybe we’ll try then, but I’m not waiting.”
And then this part is key: you move on. You go full no contact. You do nothing whatsoever. You don’t call them. You don’t send flowers or letters. You don’t text. You don’t like their posts or watch their stories. Don’t unfriend them or block them (if you want them back), but unfollow instead so they’re not on your feed. You move on.
The quickest way to get someone else’s attention is to remove yours.
Everyone comes back at least one time, so long as you keep cool and things didn’t end horribly. But you have to let them come back to you. You have to let them miss you. You have to let them think how they made a mistake dumping you and going for someone else. How can they miss you if you’re blowing up their phone and reaching out to the ex that they left you for???
You need to take this as a lesson because this relationship is over and you hurt your chances of getting this guy back. And if he does come back someday (in this case I’d say highly unlikely) you have to make him earn you back.
And honestly- this guy was talking to you about kids after a month but still had his ex in mind that he broke up with in the fall? 1. There’s a lot of emotional problems this guy is carrying that I could unpack but that’d make my post longer and you dodged a bullet there. 2. this guy wasn’t over her was the real reason he left you, but you gave him more “reasons” and validated his decision by your actions.
Chalk this up as a lesson learned and how you should act next time this happens.
Tl;dr The best thing to do after being dumped/rejected is nothing at all and play it cool.
You mean we found a way to fight seasonal depression and vitamin D deficiency? What’s the issue now?
Wow… She must really like you to keep giving you a chance. You need to make your move the next time you see her though.
This is a week old but if anyone happens to come back and read this, ^her comment is on point.
I’ve known stable, women who by all means can get any guy they want, who will travel crazy distances (6+ hours) to see just one guy they were REALLY into- even early on in the dating stage.
Point being, if a girl wants to see a guy, she will jump through insane hoops to see him. And if a girl blows you off, the correct response is “when you figure your schedule out, give me a call,” and then you move on (she might just give you a call later on).
So why are you so negative on here everyday then?
I agree with this. I’m prepared for the down votes, but for whatever reason I never got on the Harry Potter craze back when we were kids. I tried watching all the movies the other year, got until the half blood prince and stopped- because they’re kids books and movies meant for kids and the people who grew up with them.
It’s cool and fine if you’re an adult who loves them still, hey I get it, no judgement. Hell I loved the star wars prequels as a kid (and they are absolute trash) so when a new Star Wars comes out I’ll still go and see it no matter how good or bad the reviews are, but I can step back and objectively say “yeah, these movies/writing/acting kinda sucks but screw it.” There’s a reason why we are totally okay with spending $100+ on tickets to theme parks based on Harry Potter, Marvel, Disney, etc. and it’s because we all still have that nostalgia and a little bit of our inner 10-year-old in us.
Do you enjoy advertising how a $170 date hurt your wallet every day here??? Just curious, because it’s not a very good PR move, or healthy for your confidence and mental state.
1st date: 2, MAYBE 3 Drinks. No apps (aren’t you trying to get buzzed and conversationally lose, so why are you soaking up the alcohol?). Call it a night because you’re a busy guy and have a busy day tomorrow, kiss her goodnight, leave her wanting more.
Don’t get distracted by mozzarella sticks and fried pickles next time. Keep your head on tight.
For a first date that immediately throws out the vibe that you’re wayyyy too into her, trying too hard to impress her, and placing a lot of pressure on her to like you/put out. You want her to feel comfortable, but shelling out $170 isn’t normal (isn’t normal read: uncomfortable) for a first date.
Slow your roll next time. Stick to a couple drinks. You’re just getting to know this girl, she could be an awful human being for all you know. Save the $170 date further down the line.
Sounds more like an old TFM.
You have a very negative aura.
Tight.
Basically Nicole Kidman’s monologue in “Eyes Wide Shut”
“character growth”
It’s Friday, Duda. Dial down the pretentiousness.
Look at ncw’s post below for example. By not knowing what they are, confusion sets in yes, but ultimately so does feelings and attraction. It’s a build up of anticipation.
Now think about all the guys who maybe told you their feelings too soon- I’m going to guess it turned you off a little. Especially the ones who maybe dropped the L word, might’ve freaked you out.
The mystery, anticipation, it all builds up and creates excitement. A guy telling you his feelings and asking to define the relationship… Not so much. Which is why it usually works best when the guy just hangs back, controls his feelings and keeps his emotions mysterous and a little aloof, until the build up becomes too much for the girl and she needs that confirmation, or release if you will.
Now you all can downvote as much as you want, but I know what I’ve said is 100% true and if more guys were to just shut up and relax, this stuff would play out like I’ve stated here.
Maybe. More likely it’s because he’s either inexperienced or doesn’t have a ton of options right now.
You’re definitely going to end up calling Trevor again.
Yes. Obviously something you should bring up once the moment is right and you’ve been seeing eachother for awhile.
But yes, it should be the girl that bring up bf/gf for way too many reasons to get into here.
Trust me, you won’t be as into the guy you’re seeing if he’s the one asking it.
I don’t even read Dudas articles anymore, just come to the comments to see him getting roasted.