My married manager asks about my sexual conquests. Every Monday. PGP.

1: “Who in the fuck brewed decaf?” 2: “Some virgin.” PGP.

I had to stop and take a breather during a hookup this weekend. PGP.

Hot new intern stopped by to introduce herself. HR stopped by to give me a preemptive warning. PGP.

I now consider 3 Tinder matches in a row a “hot streak.” PGP.

Just got a raise. After taxes I am now bringing home an extra $17 every two weeks. PGP.

Not knowing where you stand. With anyone. PGP.

Two years ago I was an eager college senior who couldn’t wait to graduate and take the world by storm. Today, I wish I could travel through time and punch that eager moron in the face. PGP.

Fuck. PGP.

I’ve been working here for 10 months and it’s only today that I realized the company name in my email signature is misspelled. PGP.