I don’t live in St. Joseph so I had a worse weekend than myself? Unless you have inter dimensional capabilities, I question your knowledge on the subject because my weekend was fucking fantastic.
Listen, I’m not Noam Chomsky but we need crazy cat ladies, okay? Cats are like training wheels for these women when they become single mothers later in life. At least someone will love those goddamn kids like crazy in a world that’s set up like an assembly line of vapid insecurities and garbage TV shows.
i belong out there. I have to do it before it caves in on itself in a molten lava, tectonic plate smashing, Michael Bay explosion. Even if I’m homeless, at least the weather is nice.
You’re right, I am becoming more like my dad. I just sit on the sidewalk out front of my house and watch cars drive by while sipping gin and tonics and when a group of shitbag teenagers drive by too fast I hit their car with a baseball bat or a broomstick and shot obscenities at them and remind them that little kids live on this street and if they fuck up my Christmas lights this year I’ll burn their fucking houses down.
Since I’m well respected among the commenters in this community, my life advice will take you even further. You need to elevate your brainstorming. All you have to do is suggest free snacks and chocolate milk/beer on tap for the futureless subordinates at your office so they are distracted from making a sub livable wage and working 70 hour weeks. Also, suggest finding clients in emerging markets such as alternative energies (Helium 3), privatized warfare contractors, and shell company tax havens for up and coming drug cartels with a team player mentality. The world has no moral center so why should you.
I’m in a pickle man, I’m caught between being pro-baby but also being anti corporate sponsored imperialistic evil and economic slavery/meager office life for 50 years as the continuing future of human existence. But seriously, I’m a huge fan of baseball catch in the backyard so it’s hard to decide.
Babies are awesome to hang with no doubt but then I look at the state of the world and the human race and then I’m like nah, there’s no future for our generation let alone a younger one. If you’re gonna have a baby, please let it know immediately that they are entering a world of temporary workers and sinking lands. Actually, just start trying to find employment now for your unborn. At least be a good parent and take your baby to Disney World before it is submerged under ocean water mixed with oil and old people in golf carts. Just get a dog and be happy you ungrateful fucks, dogs come with the instincts to know how to swim so you got that covered and they don’t need to go to college or find jobs and they can’t tell you stupid things once they get older and they chill hard for like a solid 12-15 years.
The best thing to say to a girl who just asked you out is “No thanks because I already have you penciled in for this coming Saturday, you just didn’t know it yet” and then she’ll want to make secks because you’re a cleverly spontaneous risk taker with confidence and a can do attitude.
I’m at the point in my job now where I always carry a large duffle bag to work instead of my office person bag just in case I decide to walk out on my life that day.
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I was just as surprised as you were when I read this because I’ve been using vodka mixed with club soda and Sunny Delight.
I don’t live in St. Joseph so I had a worse weekend than myself? Unless you have inter dimensional capabilities, I question your knowledge on the subject because my weekend was fucking fantastic.
#NoLivesMatter
Listen, I’m not Noam Chomsky but we need crazy cat ladies, okay? Cats are like training wheels for these women when they become single mothers later in life. At least someone will love those goddamn kids like crazy in a world that’s set up like an assembly line of vapid insecurities and garbage TV shows.
i belong out there. I have to do it before it caves in on itself in a molten lava, tectonic plate smashing, Michael Bay explosion. Even if I’m homeless, at least the weather is nice.
This actually took no effort at all. It just flows.
Yo, don’t tell me how to live my life.
You’re right, I am becoming more like my dad. I just sit on the sidewalk out front of my house and watch cars drive by while sipping gin and tonics and when a group of shitbag teenagers drive by too fast I hit their car with a baseball bat or a broomstick and shot obscenities at them and remind them that little kids live on this street and if they fuck up my Christmas lights this year I’ll burn their fucking houses down.
Shit, you’re right. How did i forget about Sallie.
That’s funny, I can’t seem to find “Hard work pays off” on here.
Since I’m well respected among the commenters in this community, my life advice will take you even further. You need to elevate your brainstorming. All you have to do is suggest free snacks and chocolate milk/beer on tap for the futureless subordinates at your office so they are distracted from making a sub livable wage and working 70 hour weeks. Also, suggest finding clients in emerging markets such as alternative energies (Helium 3), privatized warfare contractors, and shell company tax havens for up and coming drug cartels with a team player mentality. The world has no moral center so why should you.
Goldman Sachs should hire this guy.
I feel like Pablo.
Most optimistic people I know now are too busy trying to sell me detox drinks and Herbalife so fuck them.
Best of luck dude.
I’m in a pickle man, I’m caught between being pro-baby but also being anti corporate sponsored imperialistic evil and economic slavery/meager office life for 50 years as the continuing future of human existence. But seriously, I’m a huge fan of baseball catch in the backyard so it’s hard to decide.
Babies are awesome to hang with no doubt but then I look at the state of the world and the human race and then I’m like nah, there’s no future for our generation let alone a younger one. If you’re gonna have a baby, please let it know immediately that they are entering a world of temporary workers and sinking lands. Actually, just start trying to find employment now for your unborn. At least be a good parent and take your baby to Disney World before it is submerged under ocean water mixed with oil and old people in golf carts. Just get a dog and be happy you ungrateful fucks, dogs come with the instincts to know how to swim so you got that covered and they don’t need to go to college or find jobs and they can’t tell you stupid things once they get older and they chill hard for like a solid 12-15 years.
Real Kevin would probably rather date a cardboard cutout of himself at this point.
The best thing to say to a girl who just asked you out is “No thanks because I already have you penciled in for this coming Saturday, you just didn’t know it yet” and then she’ll want to make secks because you’re a cleverly spontaneous risk taker with confidence and a can do attitude.
I’m at the point in my job now where I always carry a large duffle bag to work instead of my office person bag just in case I decide to walk out on my life that day.