Who do these hipsters think they are, making their kids use gendered names like “papa.” It’s 2016, kids should be using neutral terms like Parent 1 and Parent 2.
Best roadie: 2/3 Pina Colada flavored slushee from 7-11, 1/3 Bacardi. Keeps you from overheating and you can drop the windows and pretend you’re still on that cruise.
The first time I went to Wrigleyville after moving to the city some guy offered to buy the shirt I was wearing and then tried to fight me when I declined. To this day, one of the most confusing interactions I’ve ever had.
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Who do these hipsters think they are, making their kids use gendered names like “papa.” It’s 2016, kids should be using neutral terms like Parent 1 and Parent 2.
This column was written a while ago. My lady friend and her back-destroying bed are still around.
Do you hate punctuation?
Lame plot twist: the bed that wasn’t mine was my girlfriend’s.
Pretty sure going to another country and replacing their traditions with your own is what Thanksgiving is all about.
…did you go to their room? Don’t leave me hanging bro.
My bad, I mixed up my animal appendages.
I never went to the library during college.
If so I’m sorry
That’s the song that auto played when you went to my Myspace…fuck
This got me so fired up I’m getting lunch at 10am, societal rules be damned.
After much thought, I decided to get them cash. I monogrammed the envelope with sharpie, so you know it’s classy.
How did sweet potato fries not make the cut? It’s the perfect combo of salty and sweet.
The higher up you are, the more fun you’re having. Fact.
I’ve been using “I only right swipe girls hotter than my girlfriend.” Mixed results.
So excited to see some fantastic fundamentals out there.
Best roadie: 2/3 Pina Colada flavored slushee from 7-11, 1/3 Bacardi. Keeps you from overheating and you can drop the windows and pretend you’re still on that cruise.
One of my past girlfriends farted so loudly she woke herself up while sleeping on the couch. I never let her live it down.
BYOB brunch is really where it’s at. 1/3 the cost of a real brunch, 3x the drunkenness. I have tears of joy in my eyes just thinking about it.
The first time I went to Wrigleyville after moving to the city some guy offered to buy the shirt I was wearing and then tried to fight me when I declined. To this day, one of the most confusing interactions I’ve ever had.