Sway is literally the only person on the MTV that I know. PGP.

Tried a new, calmer sounding alarm this morning. Overslept by almost two hours. PGP.

Really excited about the energy efficiency of my new washer and dryer. PGP.

My little cousin said she loves Beyoncé. Trying to bond, I told her I liked Destiny’s Child. She had no idea what I was talking. PGP.

Oh good, it’s Thursday. That means I might actually have something to post on Instagram. PGP.

Not getting drunk on the weekends. PGP.

The closest thing I have to a lifelong relationship is my relationship with Sallie Mae. PGP.

Finding a significant other with good health insurance is my number one priority, because mine is awful. PGP.

If someone uses the Keurig and neglects to refill the water one more time, I am going to lose my FUCKING MIND. PGP.