Too old for the interns & too young for the widows. PGP.

Printed out ten copies of my resume on my office printer. And used the nice paper. PGPM

Living in constant fear of my mute button malfunctioning

My parents were already married at my age.

Checking my alarms are set multiple times throughout the night so I’m not late to work. PGP.

Probably should have thrown some vodka in my OJ this morning

100% probability of ‘drinks and dinner’ leading to an alcohol induced bender. PGP.

My brain only registers the first and last five minutes of my commute. PGP

Not altering my Friday night alcohol consumption even though I’m going in on Saturday. PGP.

Thought I had to poop so I went to the bathroom but it ended just being a big fart. Still stayed in the stall for 10 min. PGP.