I didn’t make a single call all last week and no one even said anything. PGP.

Finally got moved to a cube by the window and a bird dropped a six inch streak of shit right in the middle of it. The window washers come once a year. PGP.

The head of my company’s diversity committee is an old white guy. PGP.

I’m on the apple a day health care plan. PGP.

Mentally planning a solo celebratory lunch at Applebee’s for reaching 500+ on LinkedIn. PGP.

I brought in a box of donuts this morning and watched three people’s New Year’s resolutions crumble to pieces. PGPM.

I haven’t gotten a work email in two weeks. PGP.

Should’ve stayed the fuck home. PGP.

It’s New Year’s Eve and all I want to do is stay in, in my pajamas and drink on my couch while not watching the ball drop. PGP.

Just found out that I’m not getting paid for last week’s vacation. PGP.