In order to get promoted at my office you have to accept a pay cut for 2 years.

When you’re the guy everyone loves to talk to…Just not about your job cause you’re bad at it.

Everyone being on their best behavior until they announce who got promoted.

How much can I earn “moving that dope”?

When you’re work crutch leaves early and you’re afraid to ask anyone else how to do your job.

“What email? Can you forward it to me?”

When Mint.com alerts me that I’m using 30% of my total credit & suggests I should lower it.

Are we still talking about the powerball?

Minus $100 later and two weeks of shattered dreams, I guess I’m heading into the office today

Instead of offering a pay raise my boss said “Time for you to find a rich husband”.