Having sex with my shirt on.

Pondering your lunch plan four hours before lunch. PGP.

Married coworkers living vicariously through you. PGP.

Having the constant fear that my mute button will malfunction at the worst possible time. PGP.

Listening to coworkers rephrase SportsCenter sound bites as their own opinions. PGP.

Having more stacks of plastic to-go cups than nice drinking glasses in your apartment. PGP.

Somebody just microwaved broccoli again. PGP.

The last four banner ads on PGP for me were for Spanx, Jimmy John’s, Planet Fitness and an ad letting me know Pizza Hut is hiring delivery drivers. PGP.

Found out my old middle school bully works at Starbucks. I go there twice a week in a suit. PGP

I just told somebody to “join the team.” I feel like a little part of me has died.