Friends with benefits now means my friends have health insurance and a 401k. #PGP

I’ve started attending my church again solely for the networking opportunities.

“A one night stand from college just added me to LinkedIn and daily checks out my profile… how did he figure out my last name?” PGP

I’ll shoot you an email.

My Tinder conversations always end up with me giving interview advice.

Emailing your friend a link rather than posting it on their Facebook wall

I don’t remember the last time my gas tank was full.

Making sure everyone in the office knows you came in on the weekend.

Learning the boss’s schedule so you can leave for lunch 2 minutes after him, and take 2 hours. PGP.

I’d love to quit, but if I can get them to fire me, I get severance and unemployment. PGP.