Carrie Matheson is a pretty competent employee compared to you. PGP.

My girlfriend gained too much weight this year to pull off a slutty Halloween costume. PGP.

Can’t Snap my deuces to friends because of the office’s automatic thrones. PGP.

Pulled my calf doing the wobble at a wedding. PGP.

John Taffer couldn’t rescue my department. PGP.

Selfies are just ID badge photos where you pretend to look happy.

My boss thinks it’s hilarious when he calls the free doughnuts “open source.”

The “only God can judge me” stare back to the coworker who saw you take two doughnuts. PGP.