I wouldn’t feel obligated to go to my boss’ funeral.

Showed up for happy hour and left at last call.

I have enough saved up to quit my job and survive for a week.

My wife hates me and I don’t blame her.

Never volunteering to drive to lunch so you can maintain that front row spot.

So many acronyms, so little time.

Jordan Spieth has made more by 21 than I will in my whole life.

I’m too scared to ask for a gas reimbursement.

Used my gambling winnings to pay my rent.

I now watch games at home because bars are too loud.