Got a chair massage at the car wash today. Didn’t get a car wash.

I’m the Dennis Rodman of my condos HOA.

Too scared to expense in flight wifi.

A week after moving I was told we are moving offices near my old place.

My boss refers to the strip club as “The Titter.”

I didn’t get any cash or practical gift cards for Christmas.

Washed down my Zantac with a margarita.

Got cut off at the whole foods bar.

Only 3 more years until my car is paid off.

“Nice to e-meet you!”