You never want to burn professional bridges, it’s a small world out there. I experienced this myself when I found out that my supervisor at a job my senior year of college in LA knew my mentor from my internship in SF, where I had worked the previous summer. The two of them had worked together for years in Boston.
Had my company holiday party this last Friday and kept it calm. Our department holiday lunch a few weeks ago was another story though. After the lunch, the whole department went to a whiskey bar and our controller put down his corporate Amex, which I took as an opportunity to try all kinds of whiskey.
3 hours and $350 worth of whiskey later (I took note of the prices of the drinks that I ordered because I wanted to try stuff I would never pay for on my own), I was absolutely hammered. Barely made it home and passed out at 8 pm. Woke up at 7 am the next day feeling like I got hit by a train, it was a rough morning. But damn was that whiskey delicious.
Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation that seeks to sow seeds of doubt in a targeted individual or in members of a targeted group, making them question their own memory, perception, and sanity
If my girlfriend sent me such a text, I would definitely begin to question my perception of what transpired the previous night. For example, I would probably think thoughts along the lines of “No, I’m not a controlling guy! Fuck those controlling guys who Alyssa had to deal with in the past!” and on and on. All of a sudden, my anger is toward those previous guys for whatever they did to Alyssa, not toward Alyssa for her actions. Her saying this is basically trying to lose responsibility for whatever she said/did. Sounds like psychological manipulations that does a good job sowing seeds of doubt.
Or maybe I’m totally wrong. You’re the author here, you probably know the character’s intentions best.
“I’ve had trouble with controlling guys in the past, but I know that’s not you.”
I love the gaslighting here. It’s not Alyssa’s fault she acted the way she did, it’s the fault of other guys and Eric’s possible semblance to them. Love it.
Ahh politics in lifestyle pieces: an easy way to increase clicks in the short term and alienate your audience in the long term. The death knell for most lifestyle sites.
I don’t really agree with this. Your coworkers are assumed to be normal, functioning adults. As such, when you first start working, they should probably give you the benefit of the doubt that you’re a good person and respect you accordingly, unless you give them a reason to think otherwise. I don’t get why you need to bribe them with treats. You wouldn’t bribe people to be friends with you so why would you bribe your coworkers in order to be cordial with you? Being cordial with coworkers is typically an unspoken part of a job description.
Or maybe I’m totally off and I’ve just been fortunate to work with really good people, both the same age as me and 15-20 years older.
Nah, it’s fine. At the end of the day, you’re there to make money, not to make friends. Plus, unless people REALLY click with their work friends, those supposed “friendships” fizzle out within some time after someone changes jobs and you realize you don’t have all that much in common now that you can’t bitch about Susan in HR. As long as you’re cordial with your coworkers and your work performance doesn’t suffer because of the age gap, you’re good.
I think they’re just trying to start conversations on random topics because the comment spigot is running really dry since Black Thursday or whatever day of the week it was when shit hit the fan over at Grandex.
In response to Tenzz: ideally you’d know. It’s kind of hard to hide this level of crazy for such a long amount of time. Unless she’s a sociopath, in which case, good luck.
We have 1.5 bathrooms. She uses hers 99.9999% of the time and I use mine 100% of the time. But I still need to put the seat down for the 0.0001% of the time she uses mine.
I don’t understand the pillows. We have 12 pillows on our L-shaped couch. Yes I counted them. Why? It is not comfortable to sit on top of a pillow and they inevitably end up getting moved anyway. Why are there so many pillows?
There’s an awesome speakeasy in San Francisco called Wilson & Wilson. It’s located inside a building that housed a real speakeasy in the 1920’s. Getting in is easy enough – you can just make a reservation online and they’ll email you a code to tell the bouncer at the door. But inside is super cool: it’s darkly lit, not packed at all since you can only get in if you have a reservation and they don’t allow you to use your phones so you actually have to talk to your friends/significant other when you’re there, like some kind of animal from the 20th century. And their cocktails are really fucking good. Highly recommended.
Advertise
Hope you’re using this as ammo to ask for a raise for the new year.
You never want to burn professional bridges, it’s a small world out there. I experienced this myself when I found out that my supervisor at a job my senior year of college in LA knew my mentor from my internship in SF, where I had worked the previous summer. The two of them had worked together for years in Boston.
Had my company holiday party this last Friday and kept it calm. Our department holiday lunch a few weeks ago was another story though. After the lunch, the whole department went to a whiskey bar and our controller put down his corporate Amex, which I took as an opportunity to try all kinds of whiskey.
3 hours and $350 worth of whiskey later (I took note of the prices of the drinks that I ordered because I wanted to try stuff I would never pay for on my own), I was absolutely hammered. Barely made it home and passed out at 8 pm. Woke up at 7 am the next day feeling like I got hit by a train, it was a rough morning. But damn was that whiskey delicious.
So should I not get my girlfriend a lingerie set with “You’ve been naughty this year” written on the box?
Per Wikipedia:
Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation that seeks to sow seeds of doubt in a targeted individual or in members of a targeted group, making them question their own memory, perception, and sanity
If my girlfriend sent me such a text, I would definitely begin to question my perception of what transpired the previous night. For example, I would probably think thoughts along the lines of “No, I’m not a controlling guy! Fuck those controlling guys who Alyssa had to deal with in the past!” and on and on. All of a sudden, my anger is toward those previous guys for whatever they did to Alyssa, not toward Alyssa for her actions. Her saying this is basically trying to lose responsibility for whatever she said/did. Sounds like psychological manipulations that does a good job sowing seeds of doubt.
Or maybe I’m totally wrong. You’re the author here, you probably know the character’s intentions best.
A little late to the party but…
“I’ve had trouble with controlling guys in the past, but I know that’s not you.”
I love the gaslighting here. It’s not Alyssa’s fault she acted the way she did, it’s the fault of other guys and Eric’s possible semblance to them. Love it.
Ahh politics in lifestyle pieces: an easy way to increase clicks in the short term and alienate your audience in the long term. The death knell for most lifestyle sites.
I don’t really agree with this. Your coworkers are assumed to be normal, functioning adults. As such, when you first start working, they should probably give you the benefit of the doubt that you’re a good person and respect you accordingly, unless you give them a reason to think otherwise. I don’t get why you need to bribe them with treats. You wouldn’t bribe people to be friends with you so why would you bribe your coworkers in order to be cordial with you? Being cordial with coworkers is typically an unspoken part of a job description.
Or maybe I’m totally off and I’ve just been fortunate to work with really good people, both the same age as me and 15-20 years older.
Nah, it’s fine. At the end of the day, you’re there to make money, not to make friends. Plus, unless people REALLY click with their work friends, those supposed “friendships” fizzle out within some time after someone changes jobs and you realize you don’t have all that much in common now that you can’t bitch about Susan in HR. As long as you’re cordial with your coworkers and your work performance doesn’t suffer because of the age gap, you’re good.
I think they’re just trying to start conversations on random topics because the comment spigot is running really dry since Black Thursday or whatever day of the week it was when shit hit the fan over at Grandex.
In response to Tenzz: ideally you’d know. It’s kind of hard to hide this level of crazy for such a long amount of time. Unless she’s a sociopath, in which case, good luck.
I bet she’s really hot.
We have 1.5 bathrooms. She uses hers 99.9999% of the time and I use mine 100% of the time. But I still need to put the seat down for the 0.0001% of the time she uses mine.
I don’t understand the pillows. We have 12 pillows on our L-shaped couch. Yes I counted them. Why? It is not comfortable to sit on top of a pillow and they inevitably end up getting moved anyway. Why are there so many pillows?
Ahhh, Eric. Even when you win a fight, you still lose. That one’s definitely hard to remember in the heat of the moment.
There’s an awesome speakeasy in San Francisco called Wilson & Wilson. It’s located inside a building that housed a real speakeasy in the 1920’s. Getting in is easy enough – you can just make a reservation online and they’ll email you a code to tell the bouncer at the door. But inside is super cool: it’s darkly lit, not packed at all since you can only get in if you have a reservation and they don’t allow you to use your phones so you actually have to talk to your friends/significant other when you’re there, like some kind of animal from the 20th century. And their cocktails are really fucking good. Highly recommended.
Those damn young whippersnappers with their Instaphones and their Ichats.
That stock photo gives my stomach massive anxiety.
In defense of rich girls, poor girls can make your life miserable too.
Coming up next week – Things Girls Do After Graduation: Find a New Maid of Honor