Unemployed Loser Fakes Own Kidnapping On Facebook To Extort His Banker Wife Out Of $450

According to reports, Eliot Garrido Guido, a 36-year-old unemployed Mexican builder, faked his own kidnapping just so his wife would pay his $450 ransom, because he was embarrassed that she made more money than him. For the record, it’s not hard to make more than $0.

This pathetic loser got his buddy Carlos to take him to a house, tie him up, sit him on a stool and take photographs of him with what I assume is fake blood (looks like chocolate doo doo butter) on his head and shirt, a gag over his mouth, and a plastic bag over his head.


All this for a measly 450 bucks? Jesus, man. At least make it worth your while. What did you plan on buying with $450? A 42-inch HD TV? Nice score.


These images were uploaded to Guido’s Facebook account, claiming that he had been moved 900 miles away.

“We found them in a house about 300 meters away,” said a police spokesman.

900 miles, 300 meters, same difference.

“When I saw the message and the photos I couldn’t believe what was happening,” said his wife. “The kidnappers had demanded 7,000 Pesos ($450), and said my husband was being tortured. They said they would kill him if I didn’t pay up. I was seriously worried but when I contacted them they said I should leave the money at an address in Mexico City. I asked them why I should do that if they were in Playa del Carmen, and they just said do it. But it didn’t make sense so I contacted the police.”

These two jokers make The Wet Bandits look like Ocean’s 11. Guido’s dumb ass and his equally mentally deficient friend both face five years in jail as a result of their harebrained scheme. Good job, good effort, fellas.

[via Daily Mail]

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Ross Bolen

Ross Bolen is a New York Times Bestselling author, co-host of the Oysters, Clams & Cockles: Game of Thrones podcast, co-host of the Back Door Cover sports podcast, 2017 Masters attendee, bigger and more loyal Rockets, Astros and Texans fan than you, cheese enchilada aficionado, and nap god.

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