Two New York Bachelorettes Head To Craigslist To Find Painfully Stereotypical White Men To Date This Fall

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I guess autumn really is relationship season. You need to look like a functioning human being in front of the family during the holidays, you need a date to the company Christmas party, you need someone to kiss on NYE. These two forward-thinking ladies from New York City have it all figured out. Now that Labor Day Weekend has come and gone, they’re on the prowl for fall boyfriends and will settle for nothing less than the most stereotypical caucasian man they can find in Manhatan.

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These two sound like real catches (they referenced a Bob Seger song), but I draw the line at apple picking. No man should ever be subjected to that kind of torture. Also, if you’re going to borrow my pullover or any sort of name brand vest (North Face, Patagonia, Columbia) you better return it to me, washed and dried before the next gameday. Other than that, it looks like you’re good to go.

May I suggest you start with these two:

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Here’s the full text:

Seeking Fall Boyfriends

2 smart, funny, attractive girls each looking for a fall boyfriend with chill group of bro friends, now is the time you must start dating someone in order to spend the holidays together/go on ski trips/have a NYE kiss you’re stoked on.

Labor Day has happened, we are saying goodbye and filtering out our casual summer, meet up at 2 a.m. hook ups and are looking for boys we might be able to stand being sober around.

Needed: 2 males interested in something steady/serious-ish as the weather fades from hot, humid, and care-free to crisp, chill Patagonia vest season. Interested parties should have a window in their bedroom and want to cuddle with the window slightly open to let the fresh autumn air in while a fall scented candle (that I’ll buy for you, babe) fills the room with cozy comfort.

Chill group of guy friends (preference will be given to bros who come from the same group of friends, just because that makes it easier and more fun for double date brunching)
27 and older
6 feet or taller (if you’re 5’11” but have a personality to make up for the height difference, willing to consider it. Any shorter? Don’t apply.)
Wardrobe should include: Driving mocs, Barbour coat, Half-Zips (at least 3, please send pics if possible), Ray-Bans (Wayfarers or Clubmastesr preferred, but open to other styles), loafers, Patagonia vest(s), Vineyard Vines, basketball shorts for me to sleep in
College education. Ivy league preferred. Def in a frat or played a sport (lacrosse, crew, tennis, etc.)
Probs spent at least 4 weekends in Montauk over the summer

Activities can include but are not limited to
Apple Picking
Sunday Fundays
Borrowing your pullover and returning it after an indecent amount of time, if at all
Taking selfies in Patagonia vests/taking selfies while doing all activities #fall #boyfriendweather
Watching football (aka me getting drunk while you watch football, and you thinking it’s so adorable when I wear jeans and Converse to the bar and get blackout in your team’s hat.) *sneakers show how chill and laid back I am < this is why it’s kinda essential for the two boys to be friends so me and my friend can blackout together and I won’t get bored.
Cooking – Instagramming dish with captions such as “Fall night with my babe @yourhandle *heart emoji all the fall emojis*”
Brunching outdoors until weather permits

Strange how the night moves, with autumn closing in
(If you don’t know that song, don’t apply)

Looking forward to meeting you!

Happy hunting, ladies.

[via Craigslist]

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Brian McGannon

What do I love? I love happy hour, a good golf tan, and getting moderately drunk during dinner.

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