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I was in the market for a new vehicle a couple of months ago because I had recently paid off my daily driver. Being the fiscally responsible individual that I am, I went out shopping for a vehicle that could replace the monthly payment that I had grown so fondly of over the last few years. I knew what I wanted, so after shopping around, a few white lies and some haggling, I found myself driving home in a super cab F150.
Since that day, there has been a noticeable change in my demeanor and the core character of who I am as a driver. We’ve all heard things that are said about truck drivers. Hell, I used to say some of them. But I never thought those stereotypes held any truth. That is, until I became a pickup man myself. I’ve had a few weeks to adapt to the pickup lifestyle and feel as though I need to address some things regarding the assumptions the public has about us truck drivers.
1.) People Who Drive Trucks Think They Own The Road
This is true, mainly because we do. The road is just another example of natural selection. If you are in a smaller car, I will boss you around. I am bigger than you, therefore you must submit to my will as a larger vehicle, and therefore I am a more important driver. I haven’t let a single car pass me since I’ve started driving a truck and I don’t plan on that changing. In addition, I frequently find myself merging into spots that I shouldn’t because what the fuck are you going to do about it in your little Civic? The only thing that will make me think twice about cutting someone off is if they are in a bigger truck. It’s just science, people.
2.) Trucks Are Wasteful
While it is true that trucks typically get worse gas mileage than the average vehicle, technology advancements have led to significant increase in gas mileage in certain models. I am currently getting 22mpg in my truck. It’s true that my mileage decreased 50% compared to what I was driving before, but I have so much more power now. You’re crazy if you think I am NOT going to step on it every time I get the chance to just let those ponies loose. Sure, 90% of the time one could get away with not having a truck, but that 10% justifies everything. You may try to look down on me in your fuel efficient compact, but that’s kind of ironic when I am sitting three feet above you. Someone taking the bus, or a Prius driver will make up for my increased carbon footprint. Again, science.
3.) People Who Drive Trucks Are Obnoxious
We truck drivers get a bad reputation for being obnoxious. I do drive like more of an asshole since getting the truck, as explained above. What makes us obnoxious is what we choose to do to our trucks. It’s the 4” lifts, 36” tires, and unnecessary stacks coming out of the beds of our pickups that make us obnoxious. I haven’t delved into anything more than a bed liner and some mud flaps for my vehicle so far, but I have recently developed an affinity for chrome, loud music, and sitting on my tailgate whenever possible since I picked up the truck. That doesn’t make me a bad person, though.
4.) Trucks Are For Rednecks
I grew up, went to school, and now live in the great State of Maine. Not the yuppy Northern Massachusetts area of Maine like York or Ogunquit, but also not no-man’s land which is anything north of Bangor. I lived in just enough civilization and enough population so that I was never dating within my own gene pool. That being said, I never fancied myself as a redneck even though I grew up in the woods on a dirt road. However, the weirdest thing happened to my stereo the day I bought the truck. There are hundreds of channels with this XM Radio subscription I received, but the dial has been stuck on Outlaw Country 24/7. It just won’t change! On top of that, the post office mistakenly delivered me someone’s confederate flag decal the other day and a gun rack has appeared on my rear window! Currently, all signs point to this stereotype being true.
5.) People Who Drive Big Trucks Are Making Up For Being Undersized Elsewhere
Everyone knows this stereotype. The problem is, it is dead wrong. In fact, the opposite is true. I have noticed an increase in length and girth since owning my truck. As a result, I now carry myself different. I’ve been walking around like I am carrying a blue-ribbon hog. At the gym? You know I am walking chest out, then throwing my bag in the bed and hopping in the truck with the utmost confidence I just shredded that workout. At a stop light? Windows down and music up, always. Grocery store parking lot? You know I am hitting that lock button two extra times just so people see that is MY truck I am walking away from. If you don’t drive a truck, you just won’t get it. People change. Things change.
We truck drivers are just fundamentally better than the rest of the drivers on the road. If you can’t fit a couch in the trunk of your Subaru, then you are less of a person than me and my buddies. Yeah, maybe certain things people say about us hold some level of truth. That doesn’t bother me though because I now know, being a truck guy and all, it is all said out of jealousy. Now hold my beer and watch this sick burnout..