Translating 10 Common Late Night Sexts

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It’s late Saturday night and you’ve just nestled into bed with a hot pocket and season one of Gilmore Girls. Then you get this text. Decisions, decisions.

Text: You still up?
Translation: Wanna come over and get me up?

Text: I can’t sleep.
Translation: I’m hard.

Text: What u up to?
Translation: Drunk enough to fuck?

Text: I’m not tired.
Translation: Come tire me out.

Text: Come snuggle.
Translation: Are you open to anal?

Text: I hate being alone.
Translation: Going to sleep with blue balls is the worst.

Text: I’m probably just staying in.
Translation: Come over, I’ll stick it in.

Text: I’m bored.
Translation: Is it cool if I choke you out?

Text: Come over.
Translation: Fifty percent chance I’m still awake by the time you get here.

Text: Io wa7nt yiou so baaadf
Translation: I want you because I’m extremely intoxicated so don’t be mad when I can’t remember your full name in the morning.

Cheers, ladies.

Translating 10 Common Late Night Sexts

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